Stratovania

On Saturday, my dad got married for the third time (he and my mom divorced when I was a kid, and his second wife died a few years ago), so bethje and I flew out to Albuquerque to attend the wedding. So did my brother and his wife, and my sister and her friend, but on different flights, all on Friday. When we reached New Mexico, I got a sandwich at Schlotzsky's Deli. This was the first time I'd been to one of those, even though they do have them in my area. I had a ham and gouda sandwich that I quite enjoyed, although I have to wonder why they normally come with barbecue sauce. I got mustard instead, mind you, but it still seems weird to me. Anyway, we went to a rehearsal at the church, then had dinner at Phyllis' relatives' house. They had fajitas, with three kinds of meat available. The shrimp were particularly tasty. The actual wedding was at 2 on Saturday at St. Chad's Episcopal Church, and I read Psalm 100 out loud. Actually, I read it along with everybody else, so even though I was ostensibly leading, it didn't really feel like it. Normally when I read out loud I go way too fast, and it's difficult for me to tell that I'm doing this. I remember my mom telling me the elementary school wanted to put me in speech therapy because I read too quickly. They never did, though. My problem is that I really don't know how I sound to other people. I guess nobody does, but at least other people are better able to realize when they're too loud. Whenever I've heard my voice recorded, I just thought I sounded kind of dumb. Anyway, my dad and Phyllis signed the marriage license at the ceremony, which struck me as odd because I remember having to do that some time before the marriage. Maybe it varies by state.

After a reception at the church, we all met again at a hotel that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, the only way to get there was on a series of winding roads. My dad had talked about ordering pizza, but then was waffling about it. I ended up getting a little pizza at the hotel bar, then it turned out they ordered the pizza anyway. Not that I mind having pizza twice in one day, but I probably would have skipped the bar pizza if I'd known. On Sunday morning was our flight back home, and there was a considerable delay when we transferred in Dallas, so we got back a lot later than I'd been intending. Since I worked at 7 AM today, it pretty much meant going right to bed. As soon as we showed up at the door, Reagan immediately started asking for food. Hey, kitty, couldn't you at least tell us you missed us first? I'm actually reading a book about cats, so maybe I'll find out something about that. Cats being obsessed with being given food is actually a fairly recent thing, as they traditionally would catch their own food. I'm not sure Rea could catch rodents even if she did have access to them, but who knows? She does eat bugs sometimes.

1. All my life, I've had a desire to be the center of attention. Not just that, though, but also to impress people, whether by entertaining or amusing them or wowing them with my knowledge. I can remember having daydreams about such things as a kid, and even though I now realize it's kind of stupid, I still do sometimes. I have to wonder if this makes me annoying to be around, because I'm not sure I'd want to hang around someone who's always trying to be impressive. The thing is, I'm really not a very impressive person. I'm rather awkward, and have nervous habits that probably bother observers. I've heard recordings of myself, and when I'm improvising what I want to say, I'm all over the place. When I'm reading, I'm more confident, but I'm too fast unless I'm actively trying to slow down. Unlike a lot of people I know, though, I don't really mind public speaking. Sure, I'm nervous, but once I get into the groove it's often kind of fun for me. I'll even sing in public, and I'm well aware I can't sing worth crap. I think that, when I do entertain people, it's more because of my awkwardness than despite it, which is hardly how it works in my daydreams. I guess I'll take it, though.

2. I don't remember that much of my dreams last night, but there was one that I think involved both Mario (you know, the Nintendo guy) and my dad's side of the family. There was also one with the recurring theme of having to live away from bethje for a few days. Sometimes I wonder if these dreams are my subconscious' way of saying that Beth really is a vital part of my life, and I take her for granted sometimes. I don't know. I worry that our relationship has reached the stage where we're basically just friends who live together, and I don't know how to improve things. I'm not a romantic person, you know?

3. Speaking of which, I was asking Beth recently if we should renew our vows, or at least have some kind of second wedding that's better organized than the first one was. Personally, I didn't have any problem with our ceremony. It was low-key, and that's how I wanted it. Beth sometimes says she was a little disappointed by it, though. Now, I know her, and I'm quite sure she's not saying she wants some super-expensive wedding that she plans in Bridezilla fashion. Whether we'll do something someday, I don't know. One issue she brought up was that people might think we were having another ceremony just to get more gifts, so I suppose we'd have to make it known that we don't want any presents, except possibly small ones. A lot of people tend to ignore stuff like that and give gifts anyway, though, so maybe it's better to call the whole thing off.