You Are Not Impressed
Aug. 1st, 2011 02:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vovat1. All my life, I've had a desire to be the center of attention. Not just that, though, but also to impress people, whether by entertaining or amusing them or wowing them with my knowledge. I can remember having daydreams about such things as a kid, and even though I now realize it's kind of stupid, I still do sometimes. I have to wonder if this makes me annoying to be around, because I'm not sure I'd want to hang around someone who's always trying to be impressive. The thing is, I'm really not a very impressive person. I'm rather awkward, and have nervous habits that probably bother observers. I've heard recordings of myself, and when I'm improvising what I want to say, I'm all over the place. When I'm reading, I'm more confident, but I'm too fast unless I'm actively trying to slow down. Unlike a lot of people I know, though, I don't really mind public speaking. Sure, I'm nervous, but once I get into the groove it's often kind of fun for me. I'll even sing in public, and I'm well aware I can't sing worth crap. I think that, when I do entertain people, it's more because of my awkwardness than despite it, which is hardly how it works in my daydreams. I guess I'll take it, though.
2. I don't remember that much of my dreams last night, but there was one that I think involved both Mario (you know, the Nintendo guy) and my dad's side of the family. There was also one with the recurring theme of having to live away from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bethje for a few days. Sometimes I wonder if these dreams are my subconscious' way of saying that Beth really is a vital part of my life, and I take her for granted sometimes. I don't know. I worry that our relationship has reached the stage where we're basically just friends who live together, and I don't know how to improve things. I'm not a romantic person, you know?
3. Speaking of which, I was asking Beth recently if we should renew our vows, or at least have some kind of second wedding that's better organized than the first one was. Personally, I didn't have any problem with our ceremony. It was low-key, and that's how I wanted it. Beth sometimes says she was a little disappointed by it, though. Now, I know her, and I'm quite sure she's not saying she wants some super-expensive wedding that she plans in Bridezilla fashion. Whether we'll do something someday, I don't know. One issue she brought up was that people might think we were having another ceremony just to get more gifts, so I suppose we'd have to make it known that we don't want any presents, except possibly small ones. A lot of people tend to ignore stuff like that and give gifts anyway, though, so maybe it's better to call the whole thing off.
2. I don't remember that much of my dreams last night, but there was one that I think involved both Mario (you know, the Nintendo guy) and my dad's side of the family. There was also one with the recurring theme of having to live away from
bethje for a few days. Sometimes I wonder if these dreams are my subconscious' way of saying that Beth really is a vital part of my life, and I take her for granted sometimes. I don't know. I worry that our relationship has reached the stage where we're basically just friends who live together, and I don't know how to improve things. I'm not a romantic person, you know?3. Speaking of which, I was asking Beth recently if we should renew our vows, or at least have some kind of second wedding that's better organized than the first one was. Personally, I didn't have any problem with our ceremony. It was low-key, and that's how I wanted it. Beth sometimes says she was a little disappointed by it, though. Now, I know her, and I'm quite sure she's not saying she wants some super-expensive wedding that she plans in Bridezilla fashion. Whether we'll do something someday, I don't know. One issue she brought up was that people might think we were having another ceremony just to get more gifts, so I suppose we'd have to make it known that we don't want any presents, except possibly small ones. A lot of people tend to ignore stuff like that and give gifts anyway, though, so maybe it's better to call the whole thing off.
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no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 11:50 pm (UTC)2. You can change the "just married friends" stage if you are willing to acknowledge it as a problem and have desire to change it. Perhaps couples therapy will help.
3. If it's super important to Beth to renew your vows, presents isn't and shouldn't be the reason to call it off. Just make an invitation that says "No presents required" and let people make their own decision. When someone renews their vows, the last thing on my mind is that they want presents, it's because they are declaring their commitment to the world and each other. I think you might be trying to find reasons not to do it. Let her plan 98% of the thing and support her in it. You bring the deep meaningful vows to read and show up in a tux.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-03 01:50 am (UTC)2. I've considered couples therapy before, but I've never actually made an appointment.
3. Beth says it isn't important to her, and also wants to know what you think of Rasputina. That last bit is unrelated, but she wanted to know.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-03 10:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-03 10:27 am (UTC)I don't know why I'm spamming you with traditional Russian pop. Must be the insomnia. (It's 5 am where I live. I got up at 3 am after 1.5 hours of sleep).
no subject
Date: 2011-08-08 06:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-01 11:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-03 01:51 am (UTC)