Aug. 1st, 2011

My tweets

Aug. 1st, 2011 12:19 pm
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1. All my life, I've had a desire to be the center of attention. Not just that, though, but also to impress people, whether by entertaining or amusing them or wowing them with my knowledge. I can remember having daydreams about such things as a kid, and even though I now realize it's kind of stupid, I still do sometimes. I have to wonder if this makes me annoying to be around, because I'm not sure I'd want to hang around someone who's always trying to be impressive. The thing is, I'm really not a very impressive person. I'm rather awkward, and have nervous habits that probably bother observers. I've heard recordings of myself, and when I'm improvising what I want to say, I'm all over the place. When I'm reading, I'm more confident, but I'm too fast unless I'm actively trying to slow down. Unlike a lot of people I know, though, I don't really mind public speaking. Sure, I'm nervous, but once I get into the groove it's often kind of fun for me. I'll even sing in public, and I'm well aware I can't sing worth crap. I think that, when I do entertain people, it's more because of my awkwardness than despite it, which is hardly how it works in my daydreams. I guess I'll take it, though.

2. I don't remember that much of my dreams last night, but there was one that I think involved both Mario (you know, the Nintendo guy) and my dad's side of the family. There was also one with the recurring theme of having to live away from [livejournal.com profile] bethje for a few days. Sometimes I wonder if these dreams are my subconscious' way of saying that Beth really is a vital part of my life, and I take her for granted sometimes. I don't know. I worry that our relationship has reached the stage where we're basically just friends who live together, and I don't know how to improve things. I'm not a romantic person, you know?

3. Speaking of which, I was asking Beth recently if we should renew our vows, or at least have some kind of second wedding that's better organized than the first one was. Personally, I didn't have any problem with our ceremony. It was low-key, and that's how I wanted it. Beth sometimes says she was a little disappointed by it, though. Now, I know her, and I'm quite sure she's not saying she wants some super-expensive wedding that she plans in Bridezilla fashion. Whether we'll do something someday, I don't know. One issue she brought up was that people might think we were having another ceremony just to get more gifts, so I suppose we'd have to make it known that we don't want any presents, except possibly small ones. A lot of people tend to ignore stuff like that and give gifts anyway, though, so maybe it's better to call the whole thing off.

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