Family comes and goes, but people you're in school with are forever

[vovat]

Why is it that people who make a point of demonstrating how outgoing and friendly they are often turn out to be incredibly standoffish? I mean, if you're always talking about how much fun you have with your friends, but you're totally dismissive of anyone new, how did you make these friends in the first place? Was there a cutoff point in your life, when you just decided, "I'm going to stop making new friends...now." It's a little hard to explain exactly what I mean, but it's strange how many people like this I come across. I guess my thing is that, being the socially awkward person I am, I'm probably not all that friendly. But I do try to be fair to anyone who genuinely wants to converse with me online. As introverted as I am, I WANT to meet new people, especially those who share my interests. So I try not to play favorites when I'm replying to comments and such, you know? I welcome comments from anybody, as long as they're not spammers or trolls. That said, as much as I beg for comments, I'm not always that great at leaving them for others, because I have a fear of rejection. How much can you really reject someone who leaves a comment on a blog? I don't know, but I never said it was a rational fear. The thing is, once I DO work up the courage to comment on another person's stuff and get a reasonably friendly response, I'll often start commenting on everything they write. It's like making the first step is an incredible challenge, but after that the rest is easy. Except it isn't always easy, because I frequently worry that I'm going to offend someone. I have the kind of personality where, if someone is mad at me, I tend to assume they hate me, even if we've gotten along well more often than we've fought. It's really not fair of me, but it's usually how I operate. Maybe there's a part of my mind that would actually PREFER someone to hate me than for me to have to make the effort to make up with them. I don't know. It's just a thought. In my more rational moods, I figure it's unlikely too many people hate me. They might dislike me, sure, but hatred is too active an emotion for people to waste on relative strangers. As much as I respect the rational, however, I can't help feeling otherwise.

In lighter news, I thought the Sunday night cartoon lineup was pretty good. On American Dad, the Jewish farmer with the talking cabbages was funny, if rather bizarre. The Simpsons episode initially struck me as retreading familiar territory, since we already had Bart making an attempt to do magic at the beginning of "The Great Money Caper" (although that ended up taking a quite different turn). As it turned out, though, seeing Lisa become a magician was fun, and the Great Raymondo was actually a sympathetic character. The mockery of Criss Angel was also amusing, as was a repeat appearance by Penn and Teller (and yes, Teller talks, quite a bit actually). Bob's Burgers was good as well, and I find it interesting how many comedians I know from other stuff are voices on the show. Jay Johnston from Mr. Show voices Jimmy Pesto, and Sarah Silverman and her sister Laura the Pesto twins. I can't think of anything specific to say about Family Guy, but I did like it.

Comments

[travspence.livejournal.com]

Bob on Bob's Burgers was Ben on Dr. Katz. Laura Silverman was Dr. Katz's receptionist, Laura, on the show.

[bluesilverkdg.livejournal.com]

I was offline for so long, when I had no computer and no internet at home. Being back on LJ has been great and I've been trying to be better about commenting, but life often just gets in the way. I think maybe this is true for lots of people. Sometimes I will read something that someone wrote and think "I need to comment on that", but I want to think about what it is that I'm going to say. Then I forget. So...that's my excuse I guess. :-)

I don't think anyone intentionally thinks "I have enough friends, it's time to be cut off", although maybe some people do think they have enough going on in their lives without meeting new people? I dunno.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

That's possible, but I see a difference between being friendly with someone and actually being good friends with them.

[odontv.livejournal.com]

I think for a lot of people, it's not that they're done making new friends, it's that they want to build up an image of being exclusive. Like, oh, these are MY FRIENDS~ and everyone else is unimportant. I don't think it's always done to make everybody else feel unwelcome as much as it is one of those BS things most everybody does for selfish, egotistical reasons. It's why there are so many cliques everywhere. People want to feel like they're in a special group and the only way to do that is to cut others out.

That being said, I'm sure 99% of people aren't specifically trying to reject you.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

I generally think that cliques and exclusivity are BAD things, but that could just be because I'm never in on them.

[odontv.livejournal.com]

I think those things are bad when they're done for the purpose of shutting others out to feel important--because that makes people feel like shit and makes the other people assholes. But sometimes I think they just kind of happen and people get the impression that a clique exists to be elite and rejecting of others when it just becomes a clique because those people form a natural bond. I do think it's different when you're in the clique, because it doesn't seem like you're being an asshole at the time. But just because you don't think you're being an asshole doesn't mean you aren't. At least this has been my experience. LOL.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

That's probably the case. It's not that people seek to be exclusive, but that that's sometimes a result.

[kevenn.livejournal.com]

People are assholes. LOL.

[bec-87rb.livejournal.com]

Once you understand this, so much else falls right into place. :)

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Oh, I've understood that for a while. But assholish behavior usually has SOME explanation, right?

[nogoenol.livejournal.com]

I don’t bookmark sites but i will bookmark this! LOL!

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Um, bookmark what? This post?

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

Oddly one of my coworkers was just having a conversation with a teen volunteer on the same subject-- not the sunday cartoon lineup, the people deciding they have enough friends and are like, "okay, everyone else go away now." I think people just do get into the habit of This is My Crew, and it may be that the people who have always been GOOD at making friends have just established their friends sooner and more solidly, whereas people who are less outgoing are also less likely to take friendship for granted, and are more likely to be open to unexpected befriendings, because it ISN'T something that has ever just come easily.

And as someone who LOVES when people leave her comments, and would prefer they did even if it was just something stupid like "Yes, I agree, and can't think of anything else to say," it seems funny that anyone would be AFRAID to leave comments for fear of rejection... and yet, at the same time, I've done the same thing! I'll be like "I've commented too much on this blog and this person is going to think I'm a stalker or something" or "I just randomly stumbled upon this by reading the friends' pages of friends and I have no idea who this person is or what they usually write about, so probably I shouldn't butt in here." AND YET if those same people came to MY blog, I'd be all about them commenting. SO WHO KNOWS WHAT GOES ON IN OUR HEADS. IT IS ALL CRAZINESS.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

people who are less outgoing are also less likely to take friendship for granted, and are more likely to be open to unexpected befriendings, because it ISN'T something that has ever just come easily.

Yeah, I think that's definitely how it is for me. Not that I'm always that great of a friend, but I do value the friends I have, and don't dismiss new people out of hand.

As for the comments, I guess I'm afraid that other people aren't going to see them in the same way I do.

[rose gardner (from livejournal.com)]

I hope I'm not stand-offish! I <3 you!

[vovat.livejournal.com]

No, you're very friendly, and don't come off as cliquish, at least online.

I <3 you, too!