Writer's Block: Go it alone
Dec. 9th, 2009 05:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Well, this is several questions in one, isn't it? Let me try to break it down. Yes, I think society puts too much pressure on people to be in relationships and/or have children, especially the latter. Not wanting to have kids is treated as an anomaly, I guess because most people have a biological urge to reproduce. But that aside, it's actually a little bizarre, as having a kid means putting in a lot of work, and having responsibility for another human being. Well, unless you're a crappy parent, which is the route a lot of people prefer to take. I do not care at all for the term "child-free," which just seems to be reinforcing the idea that not wanting to have children is some kind of movement, rather than simply a choice some people make. Most of what I've heard about people who actually apply the label "child-free" to themselves is rather negative, like bitching about the children themselves. I'm not "child-free" because I don't want kids any more than I'm "straight edge" because I don't do recreational drugs. Defining yourself by what you DON'T do is really just buying into the other side's rhetoric, isn't it? It's like how the obsession with "purity" and saving yourself for marriage is really just another sexual fetish. I have to say that I really don't get the appeal of having children, aside from the ability to share stuff you enjoy with them, and even that doesn't always work out. That said, I'm not going to pretend my opinion is best for everybody. But THINK about it first, okay? Wanting a child is one thing, and feeling that you HAVE to have one is quite another.
As for the last question, no, I don't think it's worse during the holidays. Not in general, anyway; I guess it could be in some specific families. In fact, I think those of us without kids get more of a break in this season. I do think the emphasis on family makes it all the worse for people who don't have close family relations, but I've heard that the rumors about the suicide rate being higher around the winter holidays aren't actually true.
Well, this is several questions in one, isn't it? Let me try to break it down. Yes, I think society puts too much pressure on people to be in relationships and/or have children, especially the latter. Not wanting to have kids is treated as an anomaly, I guess because most people have a biological urge to reproduce. But that aside, it's actually a little bizarre, as having a kid means putting in a lot of work, and having responsibility for another human being. Well, unless you're a crappy parent, which is the route a lot of people prefer to take. I do not care at all for the term "child-free," which just seems to be reinforcing the idea that not wanting to have children is some kind of movement, rather than simply a choice some people make. Most of what I've heard about people who actually apply the label "child-free" to themselves is rather negative, like bitching about the children themselves. I'm not "child-free" because I don't want kids any more than I'm "straight edge" because I don't do recreational drugs. Defining yourself by what you DON'T do is really just buying into the other side's rhetoric, isn't it? It's like how the obsession with "purity" and saving yourself for marriage is really just another sexual fetish. I have to say that I really don't get the appeal of having children, aside from the ability to share stuff you enjoy with them, and even that doesn't always work out. That said, I'm not going to pretend my opinion is best for everybody. But THINK about it first, okay? Wanting a child is one thing, and feeling that you HAVE to have one is quite another.
As for the last question, no, I don't think it's worse during the holidays. Not in general, anyway; I guess it could be in some specific families. In fact, I think those of us without kids get more of a break in this season. I do think the emphasis on family makes it all the worse for people who don't have close family relations, but I've heard that the rumors about the suicide rate being higher around the winter holidays aren't actually true.
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no subject
Date: 2009-12-10 06:27 pm (UTC)I mean, TV and movies are all about people being swinging singles into their forties or whatever. Society pressures us to be Young and Free and Going Out All The Time, which so totally doesn't happen with kids, unless going out=playground.
Yeah, that's another thing that bothers me. It sometimes seems like our society thinks everyone who DOESN'T want partners and/or kids wants to remain a Swinging Single with a Wild Bachelor Life. Which is weird, because I tend to think that both raising kids AND being a Swinging Single would be too stressful for me. Perhaps it's another example of how society tends to frown on introverts. It's not like anyone could POSSIBLY just want to spend most of their time alone, right?
no subject
Date: 2009-12-10 06:35 pm (UTC)