Twelve Things I Hate About Health Care

[vovat]

Sarah Palin has joined the crowd of people who are claiming that Obama's health plan involves creating a board that determines whether or not the old and the sick deserve to live. I've heard so many people parroting the same tired arguments about why national health care is a bad idea (the main one being that people will have to wait for emergency medical procedures, because that apparently NEVER happens under our current system :P), but this one really takes the cake. I have to wonder if fans of Fox News and Sarah Palin will believe ANYTHING that basically fits with their already established viewpoints. So here are some other rumors about Obama's health plan. Spread these around, and see how long it takes for Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck to start claiming that they're real.

1. Not only will you have to wait months for a heart transplant, but there will also be a disco dance contest for heart patients. Only the five best (as chosen by a panel made up of Paula Abdul, Louis Farrakhan, and KC from the Sunshine Band) will be allowed to receive transplants.

2. All hospitals will be required to include members of the ACLU and ACORN on their directorial boards.

3. Euthanasia machines will be placed in public school nurses' offices, to be used by students who are worried about their bad grades.

4. Medical marijuana will be not only legal, but mandatory for all Americans. Cigars, on the other hand, will be banned.

5. Starting at the age of two, children will be given weekly doses of Viagra. Also, a twelve-pack of condoms will be given to every new baby at birth.

6. Heterosexual sex will only be permitted twice a year, on the summer and winter solstices, and only with a signed note from the local Sex Enforcement Board.

7. Elected representatives from Compton and East St. Louis will raid Rush Limbaugh's medicine cabinet once a month.

8. All privately owned guns will be confiscated and given to doctors, so that they can shoot children with Down Syndrome.

9. In order to pay for the plan, a 100% tax rate will be instituted on anyone who has ever voted Republican.

10. The new mandatory treatment for the flu will consist of drinking diet soda mixed with ashes from burnt-up Bibles and American flags.

11. The blood of anyone who waits until marriage to have sex will be drawn and drunk by Angelina Jolie.

12. All SUVs will be melted down to make needles for required injections of a fluid that gives people both heroin addiction and an overwhelming need to see George Clooney movies.

Comments

[suegypt.livejournal.com]

These are hilarious, and yet, I can't help thinking that if you had any one of these spoken through the mouth of anyone on Fox, or by Sarah Palin, folks would take it as truth.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Yeah, pretty much. That's the sad part.

[auronsgirl.livejournal.com]

You owe me a new keyboard, sir. Well done. Well done indeed.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

http://www.snopes.com/politics/medical/seniordeath.asp

I've come to learn Snopes leans liberal, but although they sometimes leave out stuff I've never known them to lie or do sloppy research. In other words, this is pretty accurate. Here's what they left out, as written by The Washington Post:

"The controversy stems from a proposal to pay physicians who counsel elderly or terminally ill patients about what medical interventions they would prefer near the end of life and how to prepare instructions such as living wills. Under the plan, Medicare would reimburse doctors for one session every five years to confer with a patient about his or her wishes and how to ensure those preferences are followed. The counseling sessions would be voluntary."

There is also in the plan a call for boards which would determine, on a cost effectiveness basis, whether the elderly would be allowed certain surgeries or procedures, but that does *not* apply to emergency procedures.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

I've come to learn Snopes leans liberal

Well, so do the facts, sometimes. {g}

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

Well, we'll just have to strongly disagree on that. :-)

[poisonyoulove.livejournal.com]

This is hysterical! Seriously. XD

Now when will Obama get those euthenasia machines out to the public?!

[vovat.livejournal.com]

This is hysterical! Seriously.

Thanks!

Now when will Obama get those euthenasia machines out to the public?!

According to the Futurama timeline, they were supposed to have been out last year.

[suegypt.livejournal.com]

I noticed you don't have enough Jesus penalties... more please

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Jesus penalties? You mean like crucifixion?

[suegypt.livejournal.com]

No, I mean, you have harsh punishments for not being gay, for being celibate, for being sober, for being white and Republican... you just need more penalties for being religious/Christian. Just sayin'.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

I originally had one about how everyone who claimed that Jesus was the Messiah would be sent to re-education camps (based largely on this (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0094/0094_01.asp)), but I didn't think it really related enough to health care.

[chu_hi.livejournal.com]

Ha. I love it.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Thank you!