Don't do witchcraft...Do your HOMEWORK!

[vovat]

bethje recently alerted me to the existence of this new Chick Tract. Just a few thoughts I have on it:

• Apparently Charlie Brown turned to witchcraft when he learned that it would allow him to finally grow a full head of hair.
  
• "Magic" being misspelled on the book cover is probably the only INTENTIONALLY funny bit in this tract.
  
• This isn't the first tract where some kids wanted to sacrifice a cat on Halloween. I wonder if this is referencing an actual incident (it does sound like the kind of thing some sicko would do), or just a straw man. Even if it DID happen, Chick probably threw some highly inaccurate details into the mix, like how he apparently thinks people putting razor blades in apples is a common occurrence perpetrated by Satanists. I know that most self-identified witches I've known and heard about were total animal lovers, but they also didn't worship Satan.
  
• If this is a public school, Miss Johnson (who appears to be wearing dark sunglasses indoors) is going to get in big trouble for preaching to a kid. And if it's a Christian school, shouldn't she have covered Jesus long before this?
  
• Poor Pig-Pen can't get into Heaven. Seriously, the drawing style is a total Peanuts rip-off.
  
• What's with that animal that looks like a cross-breed between a dog, a rabbit, an alligator, and a diseased sewer rat?
  
• Probably the best part of the whole thing is that the kids want to sacrifice a cat in order to GET GOOD GRADES. Boy, they do the darnedest things, don't they?
  

I got this from rockinlibrarian. As is usually the case, I answered it over a prolonged period of time, so the answers are accurate for when I wrote them, not necessarily for when I'm actually posting this entry.

1. Where were you when it turned 2006?
Seeing They Might Be Giants in Brooklyn with Beth.

2. How did you get the idea for your livejournal name?
High school physics class

3. What song are you listening to right now?
Frank Black - I Burn Today (live acoustic version)

4. Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
I can't recall any actual tears coming to my eyes, but some of them have definitely shaken me up.

5. What color underwear are you wearing?
Sort of a dark pinkish color, I guess?

6. Do you own an ipod?
No, but I have a similar product made by a company other than Apple.

7. What did you do this morning?
I went to bed around 6 AM, so I didn't get up until the afternoon. Once I DID get up, though, I put away my clean clothes, took a shower, got my car's oil changed, and went to Wal-Mart for a few things.

8. Where do you work?
I mostly do temp work now, so I guess the answer is "wherever I'm asked to."

9. Why are so many of these quizzes missing numbers?
It's possible that people just delete them accidentally over the course of the quiz getting passed from one person to another. Or maybe the creators just don't know how to count.

10. What are the last two digits of your phone number?
60

11. What was the last concert you attended?
Cracker in Atlantic City

12. Who was with you?
Nobody I knew. I went by myself.

13. What was the last movie you watched?
The Pajama Game

14. What do you dislike at the moment?
The fact that I have a lot of stuff I should do, but don't feel like doing any of it

15. What food do you crave right now?
Nothing in particular, but I could use some more food.

16. Did you dream last night?
I think I did.

17. What was the last TV show you watched?
Embarrassingly enough, I think it was The O'Reilly Factor. The spin stops here! That's why O'Reilly's washing machine doesn't work!

18. What is your favorite piece of jewelry?
I don't wear any. There were times in the past when I did, but it never really worked for me.

19. Name someone on your Friends list who is just like you?
I don't think anyone is THAT much like me.

20. What was the last thing you ate?
Cheese steaks, using those frozen sandwich steaks that you can buy at the grocery store.

21. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?
bethje

22. Who last messaged you?
The phone company

23. Are you on any medication?
No.

24. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The right side (from my perspective, anyway)

25. What color shirt are you wearing?
Dark blue

26. What color is your razor?
Gray

27. What is your favorite frozen treat?
Peach ice cream, I guess.

28. How many piercings do you have?
None

29. What's your favorite store?
I guess I'd say Borders, even though I don't go there all that often. I can usually find something to look at there, though. And I like that they carry both books AND music, because really, what else is there? Well, okay, food, but they have that as well. I've never gotten it there, but it is technically available.

30. Are you thirsty right now?
A little, now that you mention it. Maybe I'll get some more grape soda in a little bit.

31. Can you imagine yourself ever getting married?
Yeah, sure.

32. Who's someone you haven't seen in a while and miss?
I'm sure there are people, but no one specific comes to mind.

33. What's your favorite sport?
I don't think there's any sport I like enough to apply the word "favorite" to it. I do like some better than others, though.

34. How do you feel about what people think about you?
I worry that people think I'm an annoying weirdo. I don't mind being seen as weird, but I want to be a loveable eccentric, not the crazy guy that everyone avoids and/or laughs at.

35. Have you ever done something to instigate trouble?
Maybe at some point in my life, but if so, it was relatively minor. I certainly haven't done anything like that recently.

36. Do you like your nose?
It's okay, but too prone to breaking out.

37. What color is your bedroom?
It has white walls and beige carpeting. I had no say in these colors, mind you.

38. What are your font colors on AIM?
Black. I'm boring.

39. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?
Probably family members as a kid, but I don't think that counts.

40. Where do you live?
South Jersey

41. Do you like the person who posted this last?
Yeah, she's pretty cool.

42. Do you know their Birthday?
Yeah, it's March 31.

43. What is the thing that you would most like to change about yourself?
I wouldn't mind being more charismatic.

44. What color is your car?
Green

45. What do you smell like right now?
I don't know. I'm not wearing any particular scents or anything, aside from deodorant.

46. What is your favorite color?
I usually say red, although I also like dark green.

47. What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
Nothing positive, usually.

48. Would you ever sky dive?
Probably not.

49. Do you sleep on your side, tummy or back?
Back, usually.

50. What character from a movie most reminds you of yourself?
I don't know. Does anyone else think I'm like any movie characters?

51. Have you ever bid for something on eBay?
Yeah, but not all that often.

52. What do you think of Angelina Jolie being pregnant?
I'm not sure why she feels the need to give birth to children when she's already adopted so many. And it bugs me when celebrities have babies for publicity, and then don't do a lick of actual parenting after the kids are born. That might not be the case with Jolie, though. (And besides, the celebrities wouldn't be able to get away with it if the tabloids stopped reporting their pregnancies as if they were any of the general public's business.)

53. Do you enjoy giving hugs?
To some people, yes.

54. Would you consider yourself to be fashionable?
I'm the total opposite of fashionable.

55. Do you own a digital camera?
No

56. What celebrities have you been compared to?
I know I've been compared to some, but I can't recall any right now. Well, unless you count those picture matches from a few posts ago. {g}

57. Who is your favorite Star Wars character?
Jar-Jar! No, seriously, I don't know. Maybe Obi-Wan or C-3PO?

58. Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do?
Yes, it does.

59. What books, if any, have made you cry?
I won't say outright that I've never cried at a book, but I can't specifically remember ever doing so.

60. What are you allergic to?
Pollen

61. Are you a jealous person?
I try not to be, but I think I am anyway.

62. Do you ever feel guilty after eating meat?
I've occasionally considered whether eating meat isn't such a good idea, but I've never actually experienced pangs of guilt after eating a ham sandwich or whatever. I do sometimes feel guilty that I eat so few vegetables, though.

63. If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name be?
Anna, I think.

Comments

[travspence.livejournal.com]

My favorite part of the tract is God pushing Jesus off the cloud.

[erinptah]

*snicker*

I like the diseased mutant sewer rat thing, myself =D

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Are God and Jesus waving to each other in that panel?

[revme.livejournal.com]

I like that Spells don't work on Miss Johnson because Jesus Protects Her. Not, you know, that there's no such thing as spells.

[travspence.livejournal.com]

See, to say that there is no such thing as bad magic Jack would invite the argument that there is no such thing as good magic (ie Jesus) either. You can't have one weird-ass world view without it's opposite.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Not surprisingly, Chick also thinks Dungeons & Dragons and Harry Potter drive kids to Satanism.

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

Heh. Dude, I'm probably the only overtly devout Christian on your friends list. Good to know I'm really a Satanist. I'm glad he's pointed this out to me. Now I suppose I will have to divorce the father of my unborn child since he turned me on to D&D.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

What I have to wonder is, if all these spells actually work, why aren't kids doing them? Or is the Ministry of Magic just hushing them up? Actually, the Potter books are pretty clear that not anyone can do magic. I'm not sure about D&D, not having played it, but I think only certain classes can do spells, right? So even if all that magic WERE real, some punk kid with a discount book of "majik" probably wouldn't be able to do much (if anything) with it.

I do think that a lot of students at Hogwarts would be pretty keen on a spell that resulted in better grades. And apparently they could also get rid of Mrs. Norris in the process. :P

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

I do think that a lot of students at Hogwarts would be pretty keen on a spell that resulted in better grades. And apparently they could also get rid of Mrs. Norris in the process. :P
HAHAHAHAHAH! Oh man that's evil but it's funny.

You know, I've heard urban legends like that before, that some kid killed his parents by casting a D&D spell on them and stuff, but the thing is, there aren't any actual spells in D&D-- you just say, like, "I cast Ray of Enfeeblement," and then roll the dice to see if you succeeded. The spell descriptions may say like "you would need these ingredients to cast this spell," but that's about all you get. There's even less to those than there are the Harry Potter spells, and you know I've been working on that dang accio spell and it's still not working; so it's all further proof that the people who make up such urban legends have no idea what they're talking about. ;)

On a more serious note on the same subject, in one of her nonfiction books (I forget which) Madeleine L'Engle has quite a bit to say on the subject of finding Satanism in everything the slightest bit mystical, including make-believe. One of the things she said which I keep thinking of in these situations is how sad it is that these people are spending so much energy battling the wrong bad guys-- that there ARE true Satanists and evil cults and so forth out there (true, I knew someone who was murdered by a Satanist), but THESE folks spend so much time accusing the innocent of Satanism that they turn the fight against true evil into a laughingstock, and the truly evil things are overlooked. Like another thing I love (which actually means it makes me mad) is how it seems to some people witchcraft (even fictional) and homosexuality are the roots of all evil, and will bring about the downfall of society. What, but greed and violence and apathy and hate aren't problems? What what? Sigh.

--Plug to read Madeleine L'Engle's nonfiction. end.--

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Maybe MAGIC spells do work on her, but cut-rate "majik" spells from a book purchased at the outlet mall don't.

[bethje.livejournal.com]

We were at the TMBG show in Brooklyn, when it turned 2006!

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Oh, right! I'm not sure why I forgot that. Maybe I'm trying to block out that second show that was almost completely identical to the first.

Nice icon, by the way. :P

[jenhime.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes -- Jesus' intervention saved Fluffy and not Betsy's tattling to Miss Johnson. *eye roll*

[arfies.livejournal.com]

I love how none of the people in these tracts, save for one, ever know who Jesus is. Like, not even from hearsay...
"Do you know Jesus?"
"Jesus who?"
"*quotes the same Bible passages always quoted in Chick tracts- King James Version, of course*"
"Whoa! I had no idea!"
"Now, do you know Jesus?"
"Yeah, you just told be about him."
"No. Do you KNOW KNOW Jesus?"
"I just said I did!"
"You have to really KNOW KNOW KNOW Jesus. Get down and pray NOW, bizniotch!"
"What?!"
"That's it. You're going to Hell. So much for trying to save your soul."
"*wtf?!*"

[vovat.livejournal.com]

And the reaction to finding out who Jesus is consists of either converting on the spot, or stubbornly and rudely dismissing the attempted evangelist. Respecting someone else's religious views without agreeing with them is unheard of in Chickland.

Another thing I've always noticed is that Chick's evangelists always start right in with the supernatural aspects of Christianity that not even all Christians agree with (Jesus was God in the flesh, the world was created in seven literal days, evolution is bunk, etc.), rather than beginning with the parts of Christianity that most non-Christians would agree with. But I guess that, to a fundamentalist like Chick (or, for that matter, several prominent officials in our government), Adam being made out of dirt is much more important than all that crap about tolerance and non-violence.

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

I had no clue that there was no #9 when I took that survey. Huh.

[onib.livejournal.com]

Chick never ceases to amuse me. I like how several people keep reappearing in many of them...and each time they get re-saved. Like they got saved last week, but today they've never heard of Jesus again. I guess it's hard to keepp drawing different people.

I don't specifically know of any cat killing stories, but I know that many animal shelters will not sell all black or all white cats for several weeks before Halloween for fear of someone killing them or somesuch.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

I like how several people keep reappearing in many of them...and each time they get re-saved. Like they got saved last week, but today they've never heard of Jesus again. I guess it's hard to keepp drawing different people.

Yeah, I think that's something you'll see in a lot of less-than-stellar comic strips. I know people on The Comics Curmudgeon (http://www.joshreads.com/) will sometimes mention how strips like "Mark Trail" seem to take place in a world consisting of, like, ten people. I don't think these are INTENDED to be the same people every time, though; it's just a lack of people-drawing skill on the artist's part. There are a few recurring characters in the Chick Tracts, namely Li'l Susy, her pirate grandfather, and her evil secularist teacher Ms. Henn, who have appeared in (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1051/1051_01.asp)
several (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1054/1054_01.asp)
different (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1050/1050_01.asp)
tracts (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1053/1053_01.asp), but are consistent in terms of character. You WOULD think that Susy would eventually run out of classmates to preach to, though.

I'm not surprised about the cat-killing thing. People do some pretty horrible things to animals in general, but it seems like cats are often a prime target for sick-minded individuals.

[onib.livejournal.com]

I was actually thinking of Susy's friends. I know she had the two friends in the "All Muslims are Evil, Lying Terrorists" track. But I thought those same friends also got saved in the "All Homosexuals are Posessed by Demons are Will Throw You in Prison if You Don't Stop Them Now" track. It was either taht one or one very similar. Maybe they're from alternate realities, or perhaps Susy is being forced to relive her life over and over until all of her little friends are saved.


BTW, I love in the Muslim track how you get exchanges like this:

Susy: Adam was the first man on Earth. Mohammed said he was 90 feet tall!
Friend: That's a lie!

Susy: Most people don't know this, but Jesus created the Universe in 6 days...
Friend: Wow!

Why is the one so much more believable than the other?

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Maybe they're from alternate realities, or perhaps Susy is being forced to relive her life over and over until all of her little friends are saved.

Or maybe Susy is dead, and her being forced to relive her attempts to convert her classmates is her version of Hell. Or her version of Heaven, perhaps?

Most people don't know this, but Jesus created the Universe in 6 days...

Actually, I'd say this story is pretty common knowledge in our society. It's just that only hardcore fundamentalists seem to actually BELIEVE it in all its particulars. It seems that, in Chick's mind, the only reason why everybody doesn't follow his own peculiar brand of Christianity is that they're ignorant. Because no one could possibly know these things without automatically accepting them, right?

Why is the one so much more believable than the other?

Chick has a whole bunch of stuff about how evil and ridiculous Islam is, and most of the arguments he makes could just as easily be applied to his own religious beliefs.

[aliste.livejournal.com]

Heh, every time you mention a "chick tract" I think it must be some kind of feminist publication, then I read your critique and I realize it's pretty much the exact opposite of that. :P

[vovat.livejournal.com]

"Chick" is a pretty weird last name, isn't it?