Twitterpated

• 00:29 It isn't just the killing that bothers me in military movies. The whole thing seems like a frat house with slightly more casualties. #
• 01:31 friendlyatheist: tumblr.com/xpy5ln6pu #
• 11:55 Had a dream about a novel on which "Back to the Future" was based, and another one involving some conspiracy behind the Conan/Leno thing. #
• 11:55 I think Pat Robertson mixed up his information. It's Leno who made a deal with the Devil, not Haiti. #
• 12:01 Conspiracy theorists, why would the government cover up UFOs, but constantly talk about terrorists? Aren't terrorists scarier than aliens? #
• 12:58 If there are no atheists in foxholes, are all foxes religious? #
• 14:31 Was the obnoxious little blue guy called TK a nationwide mascot for Fox's kids' lineup, or just a Philadelphia area thing? #
• 16:52 Video: dailyanimation: One thing I never really got about the racial stereotyping in cartoons is that black... tumblr.com/xpy5m96za #
• 17:08 Photo: Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy prismcell: tumblr.com/xpy5m9o0k #
• 18:17 Lisa Edelstein looks a little younger when she's not in character. #
• 18:19 According to @NowIsStrange, Cuddy must have taped her boobs down. #
• 18:20 "Everybody's taping their tits!" -@NowIsStrange #
• 18:47 Sandra Bullock is still invited to the Golden Globes? This is an easier show to get into than the Kids' Choice Awards! #
• 18:50 I'm tired of movies having similar names. Weren't there 2 films called "Nine" last year? And is Disney's "Oceans" a prequel to "Oceans 11"? #
• 18:51 I've seen people mention that Fergie looks mannish, and I never really noticed it before, but I guess she kind of does. #
• 
  18:52 Actually, Fergie looks a little like Jessica Biel, who's someone generally considered hot who doesn't appeal to me. #
• 18:53 I kind of want to go out with Jessica Biel and ask her if she has any horror stories about being on 7th Heaven, though. #
• 19:03 Anna Paquin got her driver's license at 27. Makes me feel a little better about not getting mine until 24. #
• 19:04 Tina Fey, where are your glasses? #
• 19:09 Recently, @rainnwilson said he was proud of knowing how to pronounce "Chloe Sevigny." I want to pronounce her last name like Tom Savini's. #
• 19:17 Tina Fey used the phras
  e "for realsies." No wonder @eehouls likes her. #
• 19:18 Mariah Carey: "If you want your check, Ryan, you have to talk to me." #
• 19:22 Emily Blunt's dress looks like strawberry ice cream. #
• 19:25 "eHarmony isn't a dating site." Yeah, and Christianity isn't a religion, but a relationship with God. I know. #
• 20:06 Nicole Kidman's dress is a different flavor of ice cream than Emily Blunt's. #
• 20:07 It's never seemed fair to me that women are allowed to be creative in their dress for these self-congratulatory affairs, but men aren't. #
• 20:23 Me: "They should show @amandapalmer. I wonder what she wore." @NowIsStrange: "Real eyebrows." #
• 20:48 If it weren't for songs in movies, Bono might not be able to afford to be a self-righteous prick anymore. #
• 20:50 Sorry, Oscar Mayer, but this new theme song just doesn't live up "my bologna has a first name." #
• 21:17 Even straight women want to have sex with Drew Barrymore. Not that I blame them. #
• 21:20 @MikeConway She has a waist? #
• 21:21 Cameron Diaz is on stage. I'll bet Bil
  l Maher's hands are busy now. #
• 21:45 You're not a weird-looking man, Taylor Lautner. Not that I really have room to talk, mind you. #
• 21:48 My wife is a big Glee fan, but apparently the Golden Globes judges aren't. #
• 21:52 Whenever I hear about "The Lovely Bones," I think of Allan Sherman's "C'est Si Bon" parody. I wonder if that was intentional. #
• 21:53 "Isn't the lumbar vertebrae supposed to be connected to the clavicle? Well, I know, but with SCOTCH TAPE?" #
• 22:02 Sorry, Leonardo DiCaprio, but that beard doesn't help me accept that you as a grown-up. You just look
  like a teenager with a fake beard. #
• 22:07 When Scorsese talks about the American Foreign Press Association, it sounds like he's saying "American Farm Fresh Association." #
• 22:25 Mel Gibson AND Mike Tyson? Wow, they really want to fill this room with people who could snap any minute. #
• 22:27 I think I might genuinely hate Mel Gibson. Not in the light-hearted way I hate other celebrities, but like, for real. #
• 22:34 That's right, Arnold. Joke about how you drove California into bankruptcy. #
• 22:35 Shouldn't they have gotten someone who can pronounce "Avatar" to announce it? #
• 22:36 And yes, I know people made pretty much the exact same joke when he first ran for Governor. Let's go watch "Avadar" in Caulifaunia! #
• 22:37 Sandra Bullock winning an award? Did they accidentally insert footage from fifteen years ago? #
• 22:55 @colleenanne Why? Because they both have high school kids singing? I think "Glee" is probably more of a comedy. #
• 22:57 @colleenanne He's always been an asshole, but now he's been revealed to be a VIOLENT asshole. #
• 23:04 @colleenanne I don't really think it has much if anything to do with HSM. For one thing, it's not about a musical. #
• 23:08 @NowIsStrange I don't know that I'd call "Precious" beautiful, but it was definitely well-made. Haven't seen "Avatar." #
• 23:52 Is July Jones from the New Pornographers song related to January Jones? #

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Utensian Ideals

Happy Martin Luther King Day! In honor of this esteemed civil rights leader, here's a post about...living kitchen utensils. Hey, they can't ALL be relevant to the specific time of year. Anyway, a forest clearing in the Quadling Country of Oz is the location of the Kingdom of Utensia, with the name quite likely being a play on "Utopia." It also appeared right before Utopia in The Dictionary of Imaginary Places, if I remember correctly. The ruler is King Kleaver, a cleaver (no surprises there, huh?) who spends most of his time sitting on a chopping block and smoking a pipe (quite a feat for a being that doesn't breathe, I would imagine, but I guess it's no more absurd than the cleaver being able to move and talk).


The kingdom is largely comprised of ovens, cabinets, cupboards, and tables, where the subjects live. The episode in The Emerald City of Oz in which Utensia appears is a humorous one, with the utensils speaking primarily in puns. A pepperbox named Mr. Paprica makes "piquant and highly seasoned" remarks, Mr. Popp the corkscrew is a crooked lawyer, Sir Jabber the can opener has a "prying disposition," and the colander is the high priest because he's the holiest inhabitant of the kingdom. Incidentally, I believe this is the only mention of a priest in Oz, at least in the Famous Forty, and there's no indication as to what religion he practices. The Utensian army is the Spoon Brigade, led by Captain Dipp, who patrol the area around the kingdom. They carry guns, and insist that they're powerful enough to kill much larger creatures.


So how did this odd country of live kitchenware come to exist? There's no explanation in the book, but an article I remember reading proposed that it might have initially been a dump for old kitchen equipment. I like this idea, although for the most part there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the Utensians, so why would they have been thrown out? Maybe it was a factory site instead. Regardless, Utensia isn't too far from Bunbury, where the inhabitants claim to be made in ovens. My explanation is that these ovens were capable of bringing things to life, and one that had a magic leak was thrown out in a nearby clearing, where it animated all of the utensils in the area.


As I'm a sucker for puns, the Utensia episode is one of my favorites in the series. A few months ago, I read it out loud as a part of this podcast. Honestly, my reading isn't that good, mostly because I'm way too fast. Still, I'd appreciate it if you'd give it a listen, if you haven't already.