Oprah helped me through this

[vovat]

Yesterday, I saw part of a stupid Oprah episode (okay, pretty much EVERY Oprah episode is stupid, but this one was especially so) addressing such hard-hitting questions as "Why do men look at porno?", "Why do men cheat?", and "Why do men like to play golf?" The panel of experts set up to answer these questions consisted of Jay Leno, Brian McKnight, some Sports Illustrated writer, and a dude who wrote a book on how a woman can change a man. This seems to be pretty typical for Oprah, who apparently had Leonardo DiCaprio on to talk about global warming, and Ricky Martin to talk about child sex slaves. I guess those four guys were supposed to represent the entire male gender. Leno kept making all these really stupid comparisons, like how women read romance novels instead of looking at porn, and the equivalent of a man getting lazy and not picking up after himself is a woman getting fat. (That last one is offensive on so many different levels that I don't even know where to begin.) I also learned such useful tidbits about gender differences as:

• Men like to play golf because they all enjoy competing and keeping score.
  
• Women are more emotionally connected, and after sex, they think about the future of the relationship, and whether the kids will be cute. Men, on the other hand, think about how well they did.
  
• Men think of everything in military terms.
  
• A man can't touch a woman without wanting sex.
  

I also noticed that a lot of the couples on the show seemed to have kids they didn't want. I realize that this is an assumption on my part, but they all talked as if the kids were a burden, rather than a blessing. As you could probably guess, this issue wasn't addressed at all.

While I won't go so far as to say that there are no differences between genders, I'm bothered by such attempts to concentrate on how men and women are different. Not only are they based on sexist stereotypes ("All men are sports-obsessed porno addicts who don't clean up after themselves, and leave the toilet seat up! All women are neat freaks who want to get married and crank out as many kids as possible!"), but they also disregard the notion of individuality. I mean, if two people in a relationship aren't on the same page, and you insist it's due to gender differences, then how has ANY heterosexual relationship ever worked out? Maybe it's not due to the members being two different GENDERS, but rather to their being two different PEOPLE?

And now, to switch to a completely different subject, one question I'd like to pose to my readers, and then answer myself, is: Why do you keep an online journal? The same question can apply to other online activity as well. Why maintain a web page, or post to a newsgroup, or whatever? I guess the question particularly applies the page isn't really of any practical use to the world, which is how I feel about my own journal.

For me, I think a lot of it is about validation. In many ways, I fit the stereotype of the pathetic nerd who can't wait to post my opinion of the latest Simpsons episode, as if it would have any impact on anything. I realize that my opinions are totally insignificant in the grand scheme of things, so I like the idea of a sort of microcosm where my opinions DO matter, where my knowledge of the events in Oz books and Simpsons episodes is an asset rather than a waste of valuable brain cells, and where people actually care what I had for dinner. That's one reason why I'm obsessed with getting and leaving comments. If someone cares enough to offer a comment on something I wrote, it makes me feel as if I've done something at least slightly worthwhile. I'm wondering whether other people see the Internet, and their contributions to it, in the same way.

Finally, some of these comics are pretty amusing. I especially like this one.

Comments

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

Men think of everything in military terms.

In my husband's case, this is true. Of course he is also well-known for being a complete gun nut. (But on a more serious side, I know he considers his two best guy friends as his "army buddies"-- both of whom are actually IN the army, and one of them is in Iraq right now. He worries about him, obviously, but he's also got this sense that he wants to be over there with him, being his war buddy, looking out for him. It's very sweet and a little sad actually. He can't stand the organizational bull of the military so doesn't REALLY want to join himself-- though he had been in ROTC for awhile-- but sometimes I worry if something DID happen to John, he'd do something crazy like join up to avenge him or something).

On the subject of keeping a webjournal... the primary reason is it's a good way to keep in touch with a lot of people at once-- I know what's going on in the lives of all my friends on lj and they know about me. Now, emails are good too, but they're better if you have something actually to SAY to a PARTICULAR person, and most people don't feel compelled to share their day-by-day ordinariness with their email penpals... but still it's nice to know those things. I hadn't heard from my old roommate gloworm59 in over a year when I decided to email her and let her know I'd had a lot of interesting dreams about her and that reminded me I hadn't heard from her in over a year... but she in turn sent her livejournal address, and since then I know far more about what she's up to! (At about the same time another friend who had recently moved across the state, majellen, sent me a link to one of HER lj entries, and the coincidence forced me to start an account of my own, just to keep up with these people). In another point, though, it also gives me a place to blabber. No one is FORCED to read my random opinions on things, but they have the OPPORTUNITY to-- which is something I don't get by blabbering to myself in my own paper journal. In high school my best friend and I used to exchange journals to read each other's random thoughts, and I missed being able to share that sort of stuff. On the third thing, there are the livejournal communities, in which I can share my geeky opinions about my obsessions with OTHER PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARE. Whoo-hoo!

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Well, a lot of stereotypes do contain a grain of truth, but to say that such a stereotype is a good way to understand the male gender as a whole isn't a very good idea. I'm sure many men DO think in military terms, but I don't think I do, and I'm sure many other men don't.

Now, emails are good too, but they're better if you have something actually to SAY to a PARTICULAR person, and most people don't feel compelled to share their day-by-day ordinariness with their email penpals... but still it's nice to know those things.

Yeah, that makes sense. To me, it seems more forward to e-mail someone than just to post a journal entry. Of course, I expect most of the people who list me as a friend to read my entries, but it's something they can do on their own terms. It's somewhat more passive, I guess.

I've never kept a paper journal, and I don't think most of the stuff I write in here is what people who DO keep paper journals write in them. I don't post my personal, private thoughts (which I don't even know that I have all that often), but rather stuff that I WANT other people to read.

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

I'm sure many men DO think in military terms, but I don't think I do, and I'm sure many other men don't.

I'm sure, too! Anyone I meet, when they find out Jason is a gunsmith/firearm collector/military history buff, they think he's scary, some kind of freak, because, you know, obviously somebody who likes guns likes killing. *rolling of eyes*

I don't know, I think it has more to do with Oprah's men-are-evil bias. I mean, one of the reasons I hate the Oprah Book Club books is that they all tend to be about women who are abused by the big evil men in their lives. You know, in MY experience, my military-thinking man brings that out in a sense of honor and chivalry-- and by chivalry I don't mean holding the door for women, I mean the Knights' Code of Ethics. Definitely not abusive or violent. War is more about defending your loved ones against people who want to kill YOU, not about wanting to kill other people. (Now, before the anti-war protesters get into a huff, I'm talking about how Knights like my husband see war. I'm not saying EVERYONE in the world goes to war for that reason, because obviously they don't, or nobody would go to war in the first place). That was a bit of a tangent. But anyway, my main point is that Oprah is a man-hater.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think you're right about Oprah hating men. I guess when you have a predominantly female audience, you don't have to worry that much about offending men. Interestingly enough, the one Oprah-picked book that I can recall reading had an evil female character (although she wasn't a serial killer).

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

Oh, PS-- Oprah also has sucky taste in books. To this day I have yet to read an Oprah's Book Club Selection that I actually TOLERATED let alone liked....

[vovat.livejournal.com]

I believe she once selected East of Eden, which was a decent read. I read it long before Oprah promoted it, though.

It's kind of scary that there are so many people who will automatically read or buy whatever Oprah is promoting. It's almost like a cult.

[majellen.livejournal.com]

Did she have "The Lovely Bones" on her list? If so, try it, it's a good read told from an interesting perspective.

I'm still waiting for a murder mystery to have an acutal serial killer be a WOMAN. That NEVER happens. (Please don't read into that, I don't even have a backyard to hide the bodies in.)

[obsessical.livejournal.com]

she put Anna Karenina on the list, which i've read parts of, and enjoyed. I just hate that whatever stupid book she picks is instantly a best-seller because housewives can't form their own opinions.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

Isn't that actually one of the reasons she started promoting classics, rather than current books?

[kristenjarrod.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

>>A man can't touch a woman without wanting sex.<<

I'm unfortunately having that problem with my online friend Brian. I can't put it in words, so here is the exact IM quote:

Brian just realign your brain. you're too old to hook up with a guy the way your brain wants to... it wont happen, unfortunately. a 12 yr old girl goes steady with a guy and doesnt kiss him until 3 months... .but at 21+ guys only want sex.. so you need to think that way.. i dont know how else you're going to find a match when you're not on the same level. if your'e not on a similar level no one will see you as a serious prospect

---

Background info : I'm 22 and I've never been kissed or had a boyfriend or anything like that.

[rockinlibrarian.livejournal.com]

Kristen-- Didn't have a boyfriend/get kissed 'til I was 21, myself. Don't worry, the guys YOU want are out there, the ones who actually want a RELATIONSHIP, who LOVE you and will go whatever speed you like (I made my husband wait four years until our wedding to have sex. He did. We're making up for it now and that's not a bad thing). The best way is to find somebody who's a friend and not just a potential hookup. Definitely don't meet guys at bars. Good luck!

[majellen.livejournal.com]

Someday I'll have to tell you something about the "making up for it" thing...not in a comment in someone else's journal, though.

[kristenjarrod.livejournal.com]

I mean I can kinda see where Brian is coming from since I do have a thing for older men. But I mean I'm not going to sleep with someone on the 4th date.

I admit, I was trying to get Brian down here this summer for some "action". I was desperate. It didn't happen.

From the original post:

>>I also noticed that a lot of the couples on the show seemed to have kids they didn't want.<<

You know who isn't like that and who I thought would be like that? Howard Stern. I'm reading his books right now (yeah, I'm about 10 years late), and he's perfectly ok that him and his wife (who he is now amicably divorced from) had three girls, and never a son.

Jon Stewart though? He's a nervous wreck that his wife is having a girl in February. Especially since he's been spoiled with having a boy first.

[majellen.livejournal.com]

I had a boyfriend when I was 18 and he WAS the stereotype that man-bashing Opera presents. Was it worth it? Not really. I didn't meet my husband until I was 25. Before then, it's more of a way to pass the time. :) It'll happen when it's meant to. Just stop looking and *bang* there it is.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

but at 21+ guys only want sex.. so you need to think that way..

I think that's a rather narrow-minded view. I mean, I'm sure it's true that the majority of guys that age want sex, but a lot of them want other things as well, and are willing to work on getting those other things first.

Now, as for how to MEET such people, I have no idea. All I can advise is that it's probably best to be friends with somebody before dating them, because at least then you can make sure you have things in common, and want the same things out of a relationship. But that's hardly novel advice, and besides, I don't have any idea how to make friends either.

I DO think that, if you try to change your mindset to attract guys, it probably won't result in that many lasting relationships.

I'm 22 and I've never been kissed or had a boyfriend or anything like that.

My first kiss was at 22. That's fairly late by societal standards, I suppose, but it's hardly old enough to give up entirely.

[leolapyre.livejournal.com]

I agree about the gender stuff. Stereotypes in general are kind of bothersome to me.

Why do you keep an online journal?

I started my very first online journal because it seemed new and different. However, I only updated it about five times before completely forgetting about it. Years later, I joined Blurty as a way to keep in touch with a couple of friends back home while I was at college. I experienced the magic of reading my friends page, where I could read the most recent updates from the people on my friends list. I also really liked the whole commenting thing. Not too soon after using Blurty, I found out about Livejournal, which was much more popular and had more people I knew on it, and hunted down a code to join.

After two years of having a Livejournal, I can still say that it's a good way to keep in touch with friends near and afar. I've also enjoyed that I was able to meet many favorable people through random interest searches and communities. Last, but certainly not least, it feels good to get things off your chest.

[vovat.livejournal.com]

I've also enjoyed that I was able to meet many favorable people through random interest searches and communities.

I think that LiveJournal is probably a better way to meet people than any of those websites designed specifically for meeting people (MySpace, Friendster, all those dating sites, etc.). You can get more of a sense of what a person is like, and whether they share any of your interests.

[obsessical.livejournal.com]

>>A man can't touch a woman without wanting sex.<<

Another stereotype like that is the whole "guys can't be 'just-friends' thing, they always want more."

I find this funny because *I'm* that way. I don't mean to be. I just realized that I can't respect or be friends with guys (well, guys or girls who are interested in other girls) for very long before I start to find them attractive. And then I try and persue a relationship, and then I get the whole "let's just be friends" thing. I don't want to be this way, I just can't help it. Le sigh. I think it alllll goes back to me not getting enough love as a chiiildd :P

keeping an online journal

[yosef.livejournal.com]

I knew there was something in one of your posts I was going to answer and then didn't... and here it was.

I keep one mostly so that I can have something to look back on later since I don't keep a paper journal. I've wanted to for a long time, but LJ is much easier and doesn't require me to go to the store and buy something. I think I also write them to amuse myself (and hopefully others), but they're often just me blabbing on about things. I think I'm attached enough that if LJ ever crashed and I lost them all, it would be a large loss, even if it's only three years of my life.

Re: keeping an online journal

[vovat.livejournal.com]

I think I'm attached enough that if LJ ever crashed and I lost them all, it would be a large loss, even if it's only three years of my life.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I hope they have everybody's archives sufficiently backed up!