The No-Talent Zone
Nov. 30th, 2006 02:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vovatI was thinking recently about how Bill O'Reilly is always complaining about people who criticize his show without watching it. Normally, I'd agree with him. The thing is, though, that I HAVE watched quite a few episodes of the Factor, and I can say that most of the criticisms I've heard lobbied by people who don't watch the show are spot on. You really only need to watch one or two Factor episodes to get the idea. It's kind of like Gilligan's Island in that respect. But unlike Gilligan's Island, it doesn't have a catchy theme song. So, much as Tom Lehrer did with Oedipus Rex, I've come up with a theme song for The O'Reilly Factor. It's just lyrics in this case, though, since I'm no musician.
He once was a tabloid journalist of marginal fame
Until the day when Murdoch, Ayles, and their gang
Started a cable news network just for the folks
Not the liberal elite, but us ordinary blokes
Who thinks taxes are too high, and gays shouldn’t wed
And everyone in the Mideast deserves to be dead
Now he’s in the No-Spin Zone
And he’s doin’ fine
He’s in the No-Spin Zone
Havin’ quite a time
He’s in the No-Spin Zone
So he’s gonna whine
‘Bout the secular progressives and their far-left beliefs
The War on Christmas, and all his other beefs
He asks people the questions, and demands they reply
With just yes or no, or the crap’s gonna fly
So you’d better play by his rules and put up
Or he just might decide to tell you to shut up
He’s got the Talking Points Memo, the Back of the Book
The Unresolved Problems, so come, take a look!
He’ll reveal the most ridiculous item of the day
And then read your e-mail, see what you have to say
And if you agree with him, then you’ve got it made!
But if you don’t, you must be drinking Kool-Aid
He’s looking out for you
He wants it all to be okay
He’s looking out for you
So don’t be a popinjay
He’s looking out for you
Unless you’re female, poor, Muslim, or gay
You might think he’s malicious, that he likes to lie
But you’re obviously wrong, ‘cause his ratings are high
So just you tune in each and every weeknight
While I don't have a tune for this, I imagine it as sounding kind of old-fashioned, with tap-dancing and stuff. The best point of reference is probably the Beatles' "Honey Pie" (not to be confused with "Wild Honey Pie"), or maybe Weird Al's "The Check's In The Mail."
He once was a tabloid journalist of marginal fame
Until the day when Murdoch, Ayles, and their gang
Started a cable news network just for the folks
Not the liberal elite, but us ordinary blokes
Who thinks taxes are too high, and gays shouldn’t wed
And everyone in the Mideast deserves to be dead
Now he’s in the No-Spin Zone
And he’s doin’ fine
He’s in the No-Spin Zone
Havin’ quite a time
He’s in the No-Spin Zone
So he’s gonna whine
‘Bout the secular progressives and their far-left beliefs
The War on Christmas, and all his other beefs
He asks people the questions, and demands they reply
With just yes or no, or the crap’s gonna fly
So you’d better play by his rules and put up
Or he just might decide to tell you to shut up
He’s got the Talking Points Memo, the Back of the Book
The Unresolved Problems, so come, take a look!
He’ll reveal the most ridiculous item of the day
And then read your e-mail, see what you have to say
And if you agree with him, then you’ve got it made!
But if you don’t, you must be drinking Kool-Aid
He’s looking out for you
He wants it all to be okay
He’s looking out for you
So don’t be a popinjay
He’s looking out for you
Unless you’re female, poor, Muslim, or gay
You might think he’s malicious, that he likes to lie
But you’re obviously wrong, ‘cause his ratings are high
So just you tune in each and every weeknight
While I don't have a tune for this, I imagine it as sounding kind of old-fashioned, with tap-dancing and stuff. The best point of reference is probably the Beatles' "Honey Pie" (not to be confused with "Wild Honey Pie"), or maybe Weird Al's "The Check's In The Mail."
