- Mon, 13:49: The Chickens Are Coming! http://t.co/qi9alSp
- Mon, 14:00: I'll feel better when my test is over with.
- Mon, 14:01: When your wife's name is Beth, #RIPbeth is not a trending topic you want to see.
- Mon, 14:52: Photo: That explains so much! http://t.co/M3L5wbV
- Mon, 19:53: You know what? Both summer and winter kind of suck donkey balls.
- Mon, 19:58: Hey, why didn't Hank Aaron XXIII go back in time when he drank from Wade Boggs's jar? #futurama #nerdlingerquestion
- Mon, 20:05: RT @rezaaslan: Hugo Chavez credits Jesus Christ for his recovery from cancer. Jesus responds, "leave me the hell out of it Jefe."
- Mon, 20:06: Between you and me, #ICanHonestlySay that things can only get better.
- Mon, 20:23: RT @meganamram: One wrong way to eat a Reese's is while looking at child pornography
- Mon, 20:26: If you meet the Buddha on the road, give him a hug. #kinderkoans