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But really, I'm not actually your friend
Jul. 24th, 2004 11:31 amAs I'm sure most of you are aware, I've never had very many friends. This isn't something I'm concerned about all that often, but I think about it occasionally. I'm not usually lonely, but it might be nice to have more people I can talk to. I have to wonder how much of it is my fault. I'm shy and antisocial, perhaps by nature, and I've rarely made any effort to make friends with someone. I hung around with people in college, but I didn't really make what I would consider to be lasting friendships. Perhaps if I had been more assertive in talking to people, rather than waiting for them to come to me, I would have had more luck in that area. I don't know.
I suppose part of the issue comes down to semantics. If you only see someone on special occasions, and they're friendly at that occasions, but you don't speak to each other the rest of the time, is that person your friend? I'd probably say they're an acquaintance, but others might disagree. I kind of think that, to be a friend, you have to be comfortable talking to that person at pretty much any time (barring special circumstances), and vice versa. Since I'm generally uncomfortable approaching people, and no one ever seems to approach me, it's hard for someone to fit that definition.
On a related note, I get somewhat annoyed with people who use "my friends" as a single entity, and are always saying things like, "My friends and I did so-and-so. I love my friends!" And I don't think this is jealousy so much as: 1) it's self-evident that you're going to like your friends, and 2) if they're really so cool, wouldn't it make more sense to call them by their individual names, rather than the collective "my friends"? I guess this kind of goes along with my distaste for people having "groups of friends." That's probably more of a young people's thing, though. I don't know that very many people my age see their friends as a group. Well, okay, I guess social clubs are just that, but I don't personally know any people who belong to the Moose Lodge or whatever. I detest cliquishness, and I'm in favor of individuality, so I suppose it makes sense that I don't see grouping people together as a good thing. Besides, that kind of thing often leads to the members of the group liking everyone the group likes, and not liking anyone they dislike. At least that's the impression I get. It's not something with which I've had much actual experience.
I suppose part of the issue comes down to semantics. If you only see someone on special occasions, and they're friendly at that occasions, but you don't speak to each other the rest of the time, is that person your friend? I'd probably say they're an acquaintance, but others might disagree. I kind of think that, to be a friend, you have to be comfortable talking to that person at pretty much any time (barring special circumstances), and vice versa. Since I'm generally uncomfortable approaching people, and no one ever seems to approach me, it's hard for someone to fit that definition.
On a related note, I get somewhat annoyed with people who use "my friends" as a single entity, and are always saying things like, "My friends and I did so-and-so. I love my friends!" And I don't think this is jealousy so much as: 1) it's self-evident that you're going to like your friends, and 2) if they're really so cool, wouldn't it make more sense to call them by their individual names, rather than the collective "my friends"? I guess this kind of goes along with my distaste for people having "groups of friends." That's probably more of a young people's thing, though. I don't know that very many people my age see their friends as a group. Well, okay, I guess social clubs are just that, but I don't personally know any people who belong to the Moose Lodge or whatever. I detest cliquishness, and I'm in favor of individuality, so I suppose it makes sense that I don't see grouping people together as a good thing. Besides, that kind of thing often leads to the members of the group liking everyone the group likes, and not liking anyone they dislike. At least that's the impression I get. It's not something with which I've had much actual experience.
