It's the Hozliday Season
Dec. 10th, 2015 09:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vovatSo, here's another Christmas-related Oz story I just finished writing. Part of my desire here was to tie together some different Santa-related traditions. L. Frank Baum wrote The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus, which was later tied into the Oz series. Ruth Plumly Thompson's The Curious Cruise of Captain Santa is not specifically tied in with Oz, but it has much the same feel. These two takes on the character don't totally match up, but I prefer to think they're both more or less historical as far as Oz is concerned. My earlier "Jinnicky Saves Christmas" used both Baum's Peter Knook and Thompson's Jim the Chimney-Sweep, and here I'm using Baum's Wisk and Thompson's Huggerumbo. The Bell-Snickle is a character from John R. Neill's The Scalawagons of Oz whose name refers to a companion of St. Nicholas in some European countries, but the reason for this is never explained. Well, he DOES prefer to remain a mystery, but I gave him a bit of an origin story here. I'd also been wanting to include Krampus in an Oz story simply for the challenge of incorporating such a dark, disturbing part of Santa lore into Baum's kindly, non-judgmental portrayal of the saint. You can judge for yourself how well I did. There are other holiday concepts that I'd like to work into Oz at some point, like the Befana and what Baum tells us about Santa in "Little Bun Rabbit," but I figure there's enough in this story already.
SAVING JACK FROST: AN OZ ADVENTURE
By Nathan M. DeHoff
“Is that a polar bear, Dorothy?” asked Toto, surprising his little mistress because he rarely spoke, especially when it was just the two of them together.
“It sure looks like one, Toto, but I didn’t know there were any polar bears in Oz,” replied Dorothy.
The girl and her dog approached the ursine creature that was just emerging from a small red Quadling wood. It turned out that the bear had a young winged man with long hair on his back, who waved cheerfully to Dorothy and Toto.
“Why, hello, Ozites!” exclaimed the man.
“Hello!” said Dorothy.
“Yes, I know I’m in the wrong sort of habitat, but there’s a reason for that,” stated the polar bear.
“Right! We’re on a mission from Santa Claus.”
“Oh, I think I’ve seen you before! You’re one of Santa’s fairy helpers, aren’t you?”
“Wisk, at your service!” responded the fairy, removing his little green hat. “And this is Huggerumbo.”
“Why, what an adorable name!”
“That’s what I say, but he won’t have it,” said the fairy, as the bear frowned a little. “Am I right, old Grumpy Bear?”
“Oh, I know people find me cute, but they don’t have to point it out every time. We polar bears can be ferocious animals. When I was a cub, I dreamed of dressing in armor and fighting in a gladiatorial arena.”
“An armored polar bear?” put in Toto. “What a bizarre idea!”
“Yes, well, instead, I ended up working for Santa Claus.”
“And it’s well worth it, isn’t it?” asked Wisk. “You’re making a lot more people happy this way.”
“Yes, I suppose I can’t deny that.”
“I should introduce you to Grumpy, the Patchwork Girl’s friend from the Kingdom of Patch,” said Dorothy. “He’s also cranky on the outside, but very soft-hearted.”
“Please don’t say that out loud. I may be soft-hearted, but it would ruin my reputation. Anyway, we’re busy right now.”
“Busy with what?”
“We’re looking for Jack Frost,” replied Wisk.
“Jack Frost! I’ve met him before. He wanted to marry me, in fact.”
“Aren’t you a little young for marriage?” inquired Huggerumbo.
“Well, yes, although I’ve actually lived more than a hundred years. Here in Oz, we stay young as long as we want to.”
“Yes, it’s the same way in the Christmas Country. I can’t imagine young Jim getting married, either.”
“But you know there’s no way to convince Jack otherwise when he wants something,” put in Wisk. “We think that might be why he’s in trouble now.”
“So Jack’s in trouble?”
“Well, we don’t know for sure. The only thing we do know is that we can’t find him,” stated the bear.
“We could go to the Emerald City, and look in Ozma’s Magic Picture.”
“No, I don’t think that would help. Claus has one of the best surveillance systems in the world, and he hasn’t found out anything other than that Jack is somewhere in Oz.”
“Oh, right. He sees you when you’re sleeping, and knows when you’re awake.”
“Right, although he doesn’t actually watch people sleep,” said Wisk. “That would be creepy, and he has better things to do. But you’re right that he has the power to do that if he wanted to, so it’s strange that he can’t find one missing person.”
“So, you’re from the Emerald City, are you?” asked Huggerumbo politely.
“Why, yes. Ozma’s my best friend, and she made me a princess.”
“I thought you looked familiar! Walloping walruses, you’re Princess Dorothy!”
“Yes, but you can just call me Dorothy. And this is Toto, my dog.”
“Of course we’ve heard of Toto!” said Wisk, jumping down from the polar bear’s back to pet the little black terrier.
“So where were you headed?” inquired Huggerumbo.
“Oh, we were just on a short walk into the Quadling Country. We were planning on going back to the city by nightfall. Where were you planning on looking for Mr. Frost?”
“That’s part of the problem. We don’t know where he would have gone. Some of our compatriots are searching other parts of the land, though, so we were headed toward the Munchkin Country.”
“There’s a Snow Mountain there, but I don’t know if Mr. Frost would want to go to another snowy place. Oh, and the Wind Satchel Man at Valley Mountain keeps the North Wind when he’s not busy elsewhere.”
“I don’t know that Jack would want to go somewhere it’s already cold, but I suppose that’s as good a place to start as any.”
The girl and her dog joined up with the bear and the fairy, and the two of them continued across the gentle red hills to the east. Red flowers grew all over, and they occasionally passed an apple or cherry tree. At one point, they stopped to eat lunch from a magic basket provided by the Wizard of Oz. Even Huggerumbo was satisfied by ten salmon sandwiches, while Wisk hardly ate anything at all. Just as the party was sharing a small strawberry shortcake, Dorothy was suddenly assailed with a spray of water.
“What? Where did that come from? Is the basket not working?” inquired Dorothy.
“No, it came from that hill over there,” observed Toto.
“Well, I’m always up for a water fight,” said Wisk, “but you should at least announce your intentions first.” He pointed his wand in the direction from which the spray had come, producing his own shower of cold water. This was followed by a severe drenching for all four party members.
“At least it’s cold,” stated Huggerumbo. “The warm water around here has been difficult for me to take.”
“All right, all right, we give up!” conceded Wisk, waving a white handkerchief above his head.
“Give up what?” asked a somewhat dense voice. The owner of the voice was a strange rubbery creature, red in color, with a long snout with a nozzle at the end. It was accompanied by two other animals like it, one of which was sagging somewhat. A hydrant promptly ran up behind them and refilled the sagging one.
“What are they?” asked the polar bear. “Some sort of elephants?”
“No, I think they’re hose beasts,” answered Dorothy. “They usually work for the fire department.”
“Right, but what fun is that?” said one of the beasts. “That’s why we’ve gone rogue, and we’re headed for the ocean, where we need never be empty.”
“The ocean? How are you going to get there?”
“We believe there’s some outlet in Lake Quad,” replied another beast, who had a more erudite tone to his voice. “Not that it’s any of your business.”
“Why, I’m a Princess of Oz, so it’s my business.”
“A princess? We don’t go in for authority!” shouted the second beast. “Kidde, extinguish them!”
The largest of the hose beasts, who was also the one with the classier voice, promptly sprayed a foamy liquid toward Dorothy. Huggerumbo promptly grabbed her in his mouth and ran off with her down a nearby road, while Wisk took Toto in his arms and flew away. The animals pursued them, ejecting water and foam all the way, but they managed to avoid the majority of the onslaught. Without noticing it, however, the polar bear ran right off the edge of a cliff.
“Huggerumbo! Dorothy! I didn’t even see that!” exclaimed Wisk, as he flew down to see whether the bear and the girl were safe. As it turned out, they bounced off a rubber surface, and landed in a nearby ozberry bush.
“It’s a good thing I was here!” shouted the rubber object in a nasal tone. “Those rogue hose beasts are really getting to be a problem. You’d think we’d get along, all being made of rubber and all.”
With that, the rubber being flattened itself out and stood up on two legs, revealing itself to be a disc-shaped bluish-green creature with a hooked nose. “Why, Princess Dorothy! What are you doing in these parts?”
“Well, we WERE having a picnic, until they came along,” complained the girl.
“I’ve been doing my best to stop them, being Royal Rubber Stopper and all, but I might just have to report them to a higher authority.” The creature shook itself as it said this, causing the bells on its ears to jingle. “Something also needs to be done about that road. At least there haven’t been road hogs around here. They eat roads, you know.”
“Why, you look familiar!” exclaimed Wisk, as he settled down on the ground.
“This is the Bell-Snickle, who works as Ozma’s Royal Rubber Stopper,” declared Dorothy. “Snickle, these are Wisk and Huggerumbo. They work for Santa Claus.”
The Bell-Snickle looked nervous at the mention of the gift-giving saint, and Wisk shouted, “THAT’S where I know him! He was an experimental toy that Neclaus made, sort of a combination whoopee cushion and noisemaker, intended for parties. When it came time to name him, one of the Sound Imps suggested Bell-Snickle, after one of Claus’s German companions. The Elves deemed it impractical to make any more, since this one was so reckless. I’m not sure how he ended up in Oz.”
“Well, I’M not going to tell you,” announced the rubber creature. “You’ve given away too much information already. I pride myself on being a Mystery.”
“Oh, we won’t tell anyone, Mr. Snickle,” assured Dorothy.
“So what work does a Royal Rubber Stopper do?” asked Wisk.
“Tries to stop things that shouldn’t be happening,” replied the Bell-Snickle. “Like the hose beasts and the road hogs that bother innocent travelers. Or safety hazards, like that dead-end road. I even sometimes investigate unfair laws in the stupid little countries.”
“I don’t know that you should call a whole country stupid.”
“Oh, you’d disagree if you went to some of these places. There’s a town nearby where all activity totally stops when they see red lights. And one in the Winkie Country nobody is allowed to move at more than a quarter mile per hour. In Blankenburg in the Gillikin Country, no one is allowed to show their face. Marginalia has laws against toe tapping, nose nipping, mouth breathing, and finger snapping. And in Ditchville, you’re not allowed to give money away.”
“I thought they didn’t use money in Oz,” observed Huggerumbo.
“Oh, it’s definitely much less common, but not unheard of. The inhabitants of Bunbury, out in the woods to the west, use sesame seeds as currency. And I hear Quick City uses rolls of quicksilver, which is strange as I thought that was a liquid at normal temperatures. I’ve been meaning to check that out, as I don’t like there to be other mysteries besides me.”
“The real mystery is how these places managed to survive for so long,” said Wisk. “But then, that’s the thing with fairylands. My people don’t always make a lot of sense. I always got along with Queen Lurline, you know.”
“Well, Mr. Snickle, would you like to join us in looking for Jack Frost?” asked Dorothy.
“Jack Frost! The very personification of the chill of winter? What would he be doing in these parts?”
“We don’t know that he’s in these parts, just somewhere in Oz,” observed the polar bear.
“I might as well. I’m sure there will be plenty of things to rub out on the way.”
With that, the Bell-Snickle joined the others, and they continued to the east. There were a few farmhouses, with fertile fields and orchards, in the area, but no towns. After about two hours of travel, Wisk sighted at a tall blue wall on the horizon. Upon coming closer to it, Dorothy gave a cry of recognition. “It’s the town of the Cuttenclips!”
“Oh, I’m no longer allowed there,” stated the Bell-Snickle. “They say I’m too clumsy.”
“I’m not surprised. First time we visited, the Shaggy Man toppled a whole lot of them with a sneeze.”
“Who are the Cuttenclips?” inquired Huggerumbo.
“Oh, they’re living paper dolls. Very pretty, but very fragile as well.”
“Well, I’d like to see them,” put in Wisk. “Toy towns remind me of home.”
So the Bell-Snickle, Huggerumbo, and Toto waited outside while Dorothy and Wisk went to visit Miss Cuttenclip, the only flesh-and-blood inhabitant of the village, who lived in a wooden house in the center of town. The Princess of Oz asked her about Jack Frost, but she said she had seen no sign of him. Upon learning that Wisk worked for Santa Claus, she relayed her request for some spangles and a new pair of scissors for Christmas. The fairy was fascinated to learn about how Glinda had provided Miss Cuttenclip with living paper, and enchanted the town so that storms and other bad weather could not affect it.
“They’re the only live paper dolls in the world, as far as I know,” stated Miss Cuttenclip. “Not the only live toys by any means, though. I visited Merryland once, and they have a whole society of dolls.”
“Yes, Claus was involved in setting that up, if I recall correctly,” said Wisk.
The girl and the fairy were anxious to continue on their journey, so after a few refreshments, they rejoined their companions outside the town. Huggerumbo had been eating berries and apples from nearby trees, and was pretty full.
“You know, Ozma’s cousin, the Guardian of Oz, lives near here,” said Dorothy. “I wonder if we should check in with her.”
So the small group turned toward the south and the road to Story-Blossom Mountain, while Wisk sang “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” When he had reached the part about figgy pudding, Huggerumbo grumbled, “Do you think you could sing another song? Just the thought of figgy pudding makes me sick to my stomach.”
“You shouldn’t have eaten so much back there,” admonished Wisk. Still, she acceded to the bear’s request and began singing, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose. Yuletide carols—“
“Another song about food?” grumbled the polar bear.
“Only parts of it.”
“Wait, where else did I hear about nose-nipping today?” asked Dorothy.
“Oh, that was me,” answered the Bell-Snickle. “It’s illegal in Marginalia.”
“And is it something Mr. Frost does often?”
“Of course! Why else do you think it would be in a song?” observed Wisk.
“A lot of songs aren’t entirely true,” said the Bell-Snickle.
“And that song wishes a merry Christmas to anyone from one to ninety-two, and I think we’re all older than that. Still, Jack is quite fond of nipping noses and pinching fingers. He and Claus are old friends, but he thinks Jack goes overboard sometimes, especially with the children.”
“Then maybe it would be worth looking in Marginalia,” suggested Dorothy. “If Santa isn’t able to locate Mr. Frost, the Guardian might well not be either.”
“So where is this place?” questioned Huggerumbo.
“I don’t know, but the Wogglebug might. He’s in charge of updating the maps of Oz, and his college isn’t far away.”
So the party instead turned to the north, and had soon crossed the border into the Munchkin Country. By this time, the sun was setting. The educated insect greeted Dorothy and her friends, and checked his latest map sketches to see if he could find such a place as Marginalia.
“It’s not on the main map, but it does sound familiar,” said the Wogglebug. “Ah, here we are! Marginalia, out in the outskirts of the Munchkin Country. Its location hasn’t been properly surveyed, but it’s in the eastern part of the country, south of the White Mountains.”
The group spent the night at the college, and set out in the morning, using the insect’s sketch to determine where they were going. Dorothy deemed the Yellow Brick Road to be the fastest way to get to that area, so they took the route from the college to the famous highway. This was the road Dorothy had taken to reach the Emerald City on her first visit to Oz many years back, but it was better traveled and safer by this point. Bridges had been built over the Munchkin River and the chasm in the Great Blue Munchkin Forest, and the Cowardly Lion and Hungry Tiger had successfully driven the Kalidahs away from the road. It took a few days to traverse the route, but there were several small inns along the way. Dorothy pointed out where the Scarecrow had gotten stuck on a pole in the river and the cabin where the Tin Woodman had lived for a while, now preserved as a national historical site. When they dropped in on Boq, the aristocratic Munchkin who had let Dorothy stay at his house on her very first night in the fairyland, he told them what little he knew of Marginalia.
“I hear it’s a very strict place, and it’s located in the middle of nowhere,” said the Munchkin. “I don’t know anyone who’s ever been there.”
After crossing another branch of the Munchkin River beyond Dorothy’s old farmhouse, the party turned south. This part of the country was not maintained all that well, not being particularly good land for farming. It was mostly overgrown with tall grass, and at one point crabgrass with claws attempted to pinch the travelers. Some growling from Huggerumbo was enough to put a stop to that, as well as to the moving skunk cabbages that came out at night. The only house they saw along the way belonged to a man who farmed knives of all shapes and sizes. He told them that Marginalia was just to the south. Eventually, the group came across a road leading right up to a large town surrounded by a metal wall. At the gate, a man in a booth asked, “What is your business in Marginalia?”
“We’re searching for a friend of ours, Jack Frost,” stated Wisk.
“Do you have identification?” asked the man.
Dorothy pulled a letter of introduction from her pocket and showed it to the gatekeeper. Upon glancing at it, he said, “This hasn’t even been properly notarized, nor does it have any photographic representation of you.”
“Photographs? A lot of Oz doesn’t even have cameras,” stated Dorothy.
“Well, if they’re not going to become properly civilized, that’s no skin off our backs. So you say you’re Dorothy?”
“Yes, I’m a Princess of Oz, and that letter has Ozma’s royal seal.”
“Oh, like such things can’t be forged.”
“Look, just let us in or I’ll bite you,” said Toto.
“Oh, my word! That dog isn’t on a leash!”
“A leash? This is the Land of Oz! I have my rights!”
“Maybe so, but dogs are noisy and messy, so there’s no admittance for them without leashes. And your companion there is out in bear skin!”
“Since when is that illegal?” questioned Huggerumbo.
“It’s illegal here because it’s indecent. I have heard it suggested that this was a misspelling in the law books, but it can’t be changed now.”
“Can’t you just let us in?” asked Dorothy.
“No, I’m afraid not.”
“Look, I don’t like doing this, but I’m a Princess of Oz, and I demand you let us in immediately!” shouted the girl, who stamped her foot in anger.
“Foot-stamping is illegal in this town. I’m afraid I’ll have to have you arrested.”
“Arrested? But we’re diplomatic envoys from Santa Claus!” griped Huggerumbo.
“Yes, and I’m the Easter Bunny’s secretary.” While saying this, the gatekeeper pressed a button and a tall woman with blue hair and a dark blue uniform emerged from a nearby guardhouse. “Officer Bleu, arrest them.”
“Wait, what did I do?” asked Wisk.
“You and the gasbag are accomplices,” said the officer sternly. “Now follow me.”
Not wanting to cause any trouble, the party followed Officer Bleu through the streets of the town. It was a pretty sort of place, with neatly arranged houses and metal sculptures set on nicely trimmed lawns. The people, however, looked rather terrified, and rushed through the streets quietly with their heads down like they preferred not to be seen. Finally, the group reached the jail, which the officer forced the visitors to enter, locking the door behind them.
“Your trial should take place in six to eight weeks,” said Officer Bleu. “Until then, please refrain from any more illegal activity, or it will only increase your sentence.” Noticing the bear scratching his nose, she added, “What did I just tell you?”
“Look, with laws like yours, there’s no way anyone can obey all of them,” objected Dorothy.
“Tell it to the judge. Or don’t, as arguing with the judge is also against the law.”
With that, the officer left the jail. Toto soon noticed a man sitting hunched down in the corner of the cell, and approached him. Wisk followed him, saying, “Why, it’s Jack Frost himself!”
“Wisk!” exclaimed the man, as he looked up. “Did you come to get me out of here?”
“Yes, but it looks like we’ve been captured ourselves. No problem, though. I still have my magic.”
“No, I don’t think you do. These cells have been magic-proofed. Otherwise, don’t you think I would have escaped by now?”
“Isn’t magic-proofing illegal without a permit?” asked Dorothy.
“I tried telling them that, and they wouldn’t have it. The police said that the authorities were allowed to ignore the rules when it came to making sure everyone else follows them.”
“That doesn’t sound right. Everyone has to be bound by some laws. Even Ozma can’t do anything she wants, and she’s an absolute monarch.”
Wisk tested his magic to make sure it did not work, and it proved to be ineffective. The Bell-Snickle, however, did state that he could probably squeeze out through the bars. Upon hearing this, Wisk gave him a switch, telling him to use it when he reached a place where magic worked.
“You mean you want to call HIM?” questioned Huggerumbo. “I thought that was a last resort.”
“What other choice do we have?” asked the fairy.
“I suppose you’re right, but he really scares me.”
Without bothering to ask what the bear and the fairy were talking about, the Bell-Snickle flattened himself as much as possible and walked out between the bars of the cell. Leaving the building, he promptly struck the switch on the ground. In a puff of choking black smoke, a tall, hairy man with pointed ears, horns and a beard like a goat, and a long tail appeared in front of the rubber creature. In a rough and booming voice, he said, “Who dares to summon the mighty Krampus?”
“Um…me, Mr. Krampus,” said the Snickle. “Wisk told me to call you to help us get out of jail.”
“Wisk? Oh, right, one of the master’s intolerable assistants. Why can’t he get out himself?”
“The cells have been magic-proofed.”
“Oh, I should have figured it was something like that. Fortunately, I have training in law as well. Take me to the local authorities.”
The Bell-Snickle was not sure where the authorities were headquartered, but a quick look at a sign told them the way to the Mayor’s Mansion. This was a very large building, blue and dome-shaped like most Munchkin dwellings, with an imposing look to it. With Krampus on the streets, the people were even more terrified than they were before. The Snickle knocked on the door, and a butler answered it.
“We’ve come to see the Mayor,” said Krampus.
“I’m sorry, but his honor is busy just now,” said the butler.
“Oh, he’ll see me.” With that, the monster held a whip toward the servant, who rushed off to get the mayor. This turned out to be a small man in blue silk pajamas, who said, “What’s so important that you had to draw me away from my nap?”
“I am the Krampus, a being of unspeakable horror.”
“And I’m the Bell-Snickle, Royal Rubber Stopper to the Queen of Oz,” added the rubber creature, who did not want to be left out.
“We demand the release of several prisoners who are now in your jail.”
“Oh, we never release prisoners until after their trials, and usually not even then. The police aren’t likely to make mistakes.”
“Everyone makes mistakes, and some mistakes can be deadly. If you fail to release them, you may start an international incident. One of them, Jack Frost, is the son of the powerful Frost King, who can bury your town in ice and snow.”
“Ice and snow? Ha! Let him try! My town is weather-proofed.”
“Another is a Princess of Oz. Would you want to incur the wrath of Queen Ozma?”
“We’re a law-abiding town. Ozma can’t do anything to us! High Queen or not, she has to learn that her friends can’t just ignore the rules when they feel like it.”
“Well, what about MY master, Santa Claus? He has magic powers beyond your puny comprehension.”
“Oh, magic is no threat if you have the right equipment. Besides, do you really think I’m afraid of an old man on a sled? What’s he going to do, cut off our allowance of Christmas presents? My officers will shoot his reindeer right out of the sky!”
“What?” exclaimed another voice, and a girl who was a head taller than the man rushed to the doorway. “Daddy, I’m behind your desire for law and order, but are you really thinking of declaring war against Santa Claus?”
“Why not? Those immortal nuisances have to learn that they’re not above the law.”
“But aren’t YOU going above the law by challenging sovereigns of other nations? If you go to war with Santa, the children of this town are going to revolt. Need a remind you that the equipment you use to monitor this town and keep up the protection against magic and weather are from a kit I received for Christmas?”
“Look, Amarra, I won’t do it. I stand firm on my principles.”
“Then I’ll release them,” said the girl. With a remote control device in her hand, she ran out into the town, ignoring her father’s threats to send her to bed without dinner. When she reached the jail, with Krampus and the Snickle behind her, she pressed a button that opened the cell door. The prisoners walked out and greeted their liberators, although Huggerumbo, Wisk, and Jack made sure to keep their distance from the demon. When the citizens heard that their mayor was planning on defying both Ozma and Santa Claus, they promptly demanded he step down, appointing his daughter Amarra to the position. They wanted to run him out of town on a rail as well, but Amarra granted her father a pardon, saying that he was trying to do what was best for his citizens. The new mayor agreed to journey to the Emerald City for a meeting with Ozma to try to determine how best to alter the town’s draconic laws. Krampus disappeared in some more thick smoke, after extracting a promise from everyone to behave or he would return.
“Who was he, anyway?” questioned Dorothy.
“Oh, he was a demon who used to punish everyone he thought was naughty,” explained Wisk. “Claus eventually tamed him, as much as you can tame someone like that, and gave him a job. Contrary to what a lot of people think, it isn’t in Claus’s interest to judge and punish, so instead he let Krampus serve as his lawyer. A necessary evil, I suppose you could say.”
“He still gives me the creeps, though,” stated Huggerumbo.
“Sure, but it’s not like polar bears don’t also have a bad reputation in much of the world.”
Jack soon used his own magic to return himself to his home in the frozen north, taking the bear and the fairy with him. Dorothy, Toto, the Bell-Snickle, and Amarra made a leisurely trip to the Emerald City, stopping at many places along the way. At her old farmhouse, many tourists wanted to meet her and her dog. When Christmas came and Santa made his typical visit to Ozma’s palace for the day, he brought along Wisk and Huggerumbo, as well as some of his other helpers. Even Krampus made a brief appearance, and Button-Bright swears that he caught the demon playing games with some of the younger children. The newspapers refused to print this, however, as they were afraid it would damage his reputation as a creature of sheer terror.
THE END
HAPPY HOZLIDAYS!
SAVING JACK FROST: AN OZ ADVENTURE
By Nathan M. DeHoff
“Is that a polar bear, Dorothy?” asked Toto, surprising his little mistress because he rarely spoke, especially when it was just the two of them together.
“It sure looks like one, Toto, but I didn’t know there were any polar bears in Oz,” replied Dorothy.
The girl and her dog approached the ursine creature that was just emerging from a small red Quadling wood. It turned out that the bear had a young winged man with long hair on his back, who waved cheerfully to Dorothy and Toto.
“Why, hello, Ozites!” exclaimed the man.
“Hello!” said Dorothy.
“Yes, I know I’m in the wrong sort of habitat, but there’s a reason for that,” stated the polar bear.
“Right! We’re on a mission from Santa Claus.”
“Oh, I think I’ve seen you before! You’re one of Santa’s fairy helpers, aren’t you?”
“Wisk, at your service!” responded the fairy, removing his little green hat. “And this is Huggerumbo.”
“Why, what an adorable name!”
“That’s what I say, but he won’t have it,” said the fairy, as the bear frowned a little. “Am I right, old Grumpy Bear?”
“Oh, I know people find me cute, but they don’t have to point it out every time. We polar bears can be ferocious animals. When I was a cub, I dreamed of dressing in armor and fighting in a gladiatorial arena.”
“An armored polar bear?” put in Toto. “What a bizarre idea!”
“Yes, well, instead, I ended up working for Santa Claus.”
“And it’s well worth it, isn’t it?” asked Wisk. “You’re making a lot more people happy this way.”
“Yes, I suppose I can’t deny that.”
“I should introduce you to Grumpy, the Patchwork Girl’s friend from the Kingdom of Patch,” said Dorothy. “He’s also cranky on the outside, but very soft-hearted.”
“Please don’t say that out loud. I may be soft-hearted, but it would ruin my reputation. Anyway, we’re busy right now.”
“Busy with what?”
“We’re looking for Jack Frost,” replied Wisk.
“Jack Frost! I’ve met him before. He wanted to marry me, in fact.”
“Aren’t you a little young for marriage?” inquired Huggerumbo.
“Well, yes, although I’ve actually lived more than a hundred years. Here in Oz, we stay young as long as we want to.”
“Yes, it’s the same way in the Christmas Country. I can’t imagine young Jim getting married, either.”
“But you know there’s no way to convince Jack otherwise when he wants something,” put in Wisk. “We think that might be why he’s in trouble now.”
“So Jack’s in trouble?”
“Well, we don’t know for sure. The only thing we do know is that we can’t find him,” stated the bear.
“We could go to the Emerald City, and look in Ozma’s Magic Picture.”
“No, I don’t think that would help. Claus has one of the best surveillance systems in the world, and he hasn’t found out anything other than that Jack is somewhere in Oz.”
“Oh, right. He sees you when you’re sleeping, and knows when you’re awake.”
“Right, although he doesn’t actually watch people sleep,” said Wisk. “That would be creepy, and he has better things to do. But you’re right that he has the power to do that if he wanted to, so it’s strange that he can’t find one missing person.”
“So, you’re from the Emerald City, are you?” asked Huggerumbo politely.
“Why, yes. Ozma’s my best friend, and she made me a princess.”
“I thought you looked familiar! Walloping walruses, you’re Princess Dorothy!”
“Yes, but you can just call me Dorothy. And this is Toto, my dog.”
“Of course we’ve heard of Toto!” said Wisk, jumping down from the polar bear’s back to pet the little black terrier.
“So where were you headed?” inquired Huggerumbo.
“Oh, we were just on a short walk into the Quadling Country. We were planning on going back to the city by nightfall. Where were you planning on looking for Mr. Frost?”
“That’s part of the problem. We don’t know where he would have gone. Some of our compatriots are searching other parts of the land, though, so we were headed toward the Munchkin Country.”
“There’s a Snow Mountain there, but I don’t know if Mr. Frost would want to go to another snowy place. Oh, and the Wind Satchel Man at Valley Mountain keeps the North Wind when he’s not busy elsewhere.”
“I don’t know that Jack would want to go somewhere it’s already cold, but I suppose that’s as good a place to start as any.”
The girl and her dog joined up with the bear and the fairy, and the two of them continued across the gentle red hills to the east. Red flowers grew all over, and they occasionally passed an apple or cherry tree. At one point, they stopped to eat lunch from a magic basket provided by the Wizard of Oz. Even Huggerumbo was satisfied by ten salmon sandwiches, while Wisk hardly ate anything at all. Just as the party was sharing a small strawberry shortcake, Dorothy was suddenly assailed with a spray of water.
“What? Where did that come from? Is the basket not working?” inquired Dorothy.
“No, it came from that hill over there,” observed Toto.
“Well, I’m always up for a water fight,” said Wisk, “but you should at least announce your intentions first.” He pointed his wand in the direction from which the spray had come, producing his own shower of cold water. This was followed by a severe drenching for all four party members.
“At least it’s cold,” stated Huggerumbo. “The warm water around here has been difficult for me to take.”
“All right, all right, we give up!” conceded Wisk, waving a white handkerchief above his head.
“Give up what?” asked a somewhat dense voice. The owner of the voice was a strange rubbery creature, red in color, with a long snout with a nozzle at the end. It was accompanied by two other animals like it, one of which was sagging somewhat. A hydrant promptly ran up behind them and refilled the sagging one.
“What are they?” asked the polar bear. “Some sort of elephants?”
“No, I think they’re hose beasts,” answered Dorothy. “They usually work for the fire department.”
“Right, but what fun is that?” said one of the beasts. “That’s why we’ve gone rogue, and we’re headed for the ocean, where we need never be empty.”
“The ocean? How are you going to get there?”
“We believe there’s some outlet in Lake Quad,” replied another beast, who had a more erudite tone to his voice. “Not that it’s any of your business.”
“Why, I’m a Princess of Oz, so it’s my business.”
“A princess? We don’t go in for authority!” shouted the second beast. “Kidde, extinguish them!”
The largest of the hose beasts, who was also the one with the classier voice, promptly sprayed a foamy liquid toward Dorothy. Huggerumbo promptly grabbed her in his mouth and ran off with her down a nearby road, while Wisk took Toto in his arms and flew away. The animals pursued them, ejecting water and foam all the way, but they managed to avoid the majority of the onslaught. Without noticing it, however, the polar bear ran right off the edge of a cliff.
“Huggerumbo! Dorothy! I didn’t even see that!” exclaimed Wisk, as he flew down to see whether the bear and the girl were safe. As it turned out, they bounced off a rubber surface, and landed in a nearby ozberry bush.
“It’s a good thing I was here!” shouted the rubber object in a nasal tone. “Those rogue hose beasts are really getting to be a problem. You’d think we’d get along, all being made of rubber and all.”
With that, the rubber being flattened itself out and stood up on two legs, revealing itself to be a disc-shaped bluish-green creature with a hooked nose. “Why, Princess Dorothy! What are you doing in these parts?”
“Well, we WERE having a picnic, until they came along,” complained the girl.
“I’ve been doing my best to stop them, being Royal Rubber Stopper and all, but I might just have to report them to a higher authority.” The creature shook itself as it said this, causing the bells on its ears to jingle. “Something also needs to be done about that road. At least there haven’t been road hogs around here. They eat roads, you know.”
“Why, you look familiar!” exclaimed Wisk, as he settled down on the ground.
“This is the Bell-Snickle, who works as Ozma’s Royal Rubber Stopper,” declared Dorothy. “Snickle, these are Wisk and Huggerumbo. They work for Santa Claus.”
The Bell-Snickle looked nervous at the mention of the gift-giving saint, and Wisk shouted, “THAT’S where I know him! He was an experimental toy that Neclaus made, sort of a combination whoopee cushion and noisemaker, intended for parties. When it came time to name him, one of the Sound Imps suggested Bell-Snickle, after one of Claus’s German companions. The Elves deemed it impractical to make any more, since this one was so reckless. I’m not sure how he ended up in Oz.”
“Well, I’M not going to tell you,” announced the rubber creature. “You’ve given away too much information already. I pride myself on being a Mystery.”
“Oh, we won’t tell anyone, Mr. Snickle,” assured Dorothy.
“So what work does a Royal Rubber Stopper do?” asked Wisk.
“Tries to stop things that shouldn’t be happening,” replied the Bell-Snickle. “Like the hose beasts and the road hogs that bother innocent travelers. Or safety hazards, like that dead-end road. I even sometimes investigate unfair laws in the stupid little countries.”
“I don’t know that you should call a whole country stupid.”
“Oh, you’d disagree if you went to some of these places. There’s a town nearby where all activity totally stops when they see red lights. And one in the Winkie Country nobody is allowed to move at more than a quarter mile per hour. In Blankenburg in the Gillikin Country, no one is allowed to show their face. Marginalia has laws against toe tapping, nose nipping, mouth breathing, and finger snapping. And in Ditchville, you’re not allowed to give money away.”
“I thought they didn’t use money in Oz,” observed Huggerumbo.
“Oh, it’s definitely much less common, but not unheard of. The inhabitants of Bunbury, out in the woods to the west, use sesame seeds as currency. And I hear Quick City uses rolls of quicksilver, which is strange as I thought that was a liquid at normal temperatures. I’ve been meaning to check that out, as I don’t like there to be other mysteries besides me.”
“The real mystery is how these places managed to survive for so long,” said Wisk. “But then, that’s the thing with fairylands. My people don’t always make a lot of sense. I always got along with Queen Lurline, you know.”
“Well, Mr. Snickle, would you like to join us in looking for Jack Frost?” asked Dorothy.
“Jack Frost! The very personification of the chill of winter? What would he be doing in these parts?”
“We don’t know that he’s in these parts, just somewhere in Oz,” observed the polar bear.
“I might as well. I’m sure there will be plenty of things to rub out on the way.”
With that, the Bell-Snickle joined the others, and they continued to the east. There were a few farmhouses, with fertile fields and orchards, in the area, but no towns. After about two hours of travel, Wisk sighted at a tall blue wall on the horizon. Upon coming closer to it, Dorothy gave a cry of recognition. “It’s the town of the Cuttenclips!”
“Oh, I’m no longer allowed there,” stated the Bell-Snickle. “They say I’m too clumsy.”
“I’m not surprised. First time we visited, the Shaggy Man toppled a whole lot of them with a sneeze.”
“Who are the Cuttenclips?” inquired Huggerumbo.
“Oh, they’re living paper dolls. Very pretty, but very fragile as well.”
“Well, I’d like to see them,” put in Wisk. “Toy towns remind me of home.”
So the Bell-Snickle, Huggerumbo, and Toto waited outside while Dorothy and Wisk went to visit Miss Cuttenclip, the only flesh-and-blood inhabitant of the village, who lived in a wooden house in the center of town. The Princess of Oz asked her about Jack Frost, but she said she had seen no sign of him. Upon learning that Wisk worked for Santa Claus, she relayed her request for some spangles and a new pair of scissors for Christmas. The fairy was fascinated to learn about how Glinda had provided Miss Cuttenclip with living paper, and enchanted the town so that storms and other bad weather could not affect it.
“They’re the only live paper dolls in the world, as far as I know,” stated Miss Cuttenclip. “Not the only live toys by any means, though. I visited Merryland once, and they have a whole society of dolls.”
“Yes, Claus was involved in setting that up, if I recall correctly,” said Wisk.
The girl and the fairy were anxious to continue on their journey, so after a few refreshments, they rejoined their companions outside the town. Huggerumbo had been eating berries and apples from nearby trees, and was pretty full.
“You know, Ozma’s cousin, the Guardian of Oz, lives near here,” said Dorothy. “I wonder if we should check in with her.”
So the small group turned toward the south and the road to Story-Blossom Mountain, while Wisk sang “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” When he had reached the part about figgy pudding, Huggerumbo grumbled, “Do you think you could sing another song? Just the thought of figgy pudding makes me sick to my stomach.”
“You shouldn’t have eaten so much back there,” admonished Wisk. Still, she acceded to the bear’s request and began singing, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose. Yuletide carols—“
“Another song about food?” grumbled the polar bear.
“Only parts of it.”
“Wait, where else did I hear about nose-nipping today?” asked Dorothy.
“Oh, that was me,” answered the Bell-Snickle. “It’s illegal in Marginalia.”
“And is it something Mr. Frost does often?”
“Of course! Why else do you think it would be in a song?” observed Wisk.
“A lot of songs aren’t entirely true,” said the Bell-Snickle.
“And that song wishes a merry Christmas to anyone from one to ninety-two, and I think we’re all older than that. Still, Jack is quite fond of nipping noses and pinching fingers. He and Claus are old friends, but he thinks Jack goes overboard sometimes, especially with the children.”
“Then maybe it would be worth looking in Marginalia,” suggested Dorothy. “If Santa isn’t able to locate Mr. Frost, the Guardian might well not be either.”
“So where is this place?” questioned Huggerumbo.
“I don’t know, but the Wogglebug might. He’s in charge of updating the maps of Oz, and his college isn’t far away.”
So the party instead turned to the north, and had soon crossed the border into the Munchkin Country. By this time, the sun was setting. The educated insect greeted Dorothy and her friends, and checked his latest map sketches to see if he could find such a place as Marginalia.
“It’s not on the main map, but it does sound familiar,” said the Wogglebug. “Ah, here we are! Marginalia, out in the outskirts of the Munchkin Country. Its location hasn’t been properly surveyed, but it’s in the eastern part of the country, south of the White Mountains.”
The group spent the night at the college, and set out in the morning, using the insect’s sketch to determine where they were going. Dorothy deemed the Yellow Brick Road to be the fastest way to get to that area, so they took the route from the college to the famous highway. This was the road Dorothy had taken to reach the Emerald City on her first visit to Oz many years back, but it was better traveled and safer by this point. Bridges had been built over the Munchkin River and the chasm in the Great Blue Munchkin Forest, and the Cowardly Lion and Hungry Tiger had successfully driven the Kalidahs away from the road. It took a few days to traverse the route, but there were several small inns along the way. Dorothy pointed out where the Scarecrow had gotten stuck on a pole in the river and the cabin where the Tin Woodman had lived for a while, now preserved as a national historical site. When they dropped in on Boq, the aristocratic Munchkin who had let Dorothy stay at his house on her very first night in the fairyland, he told them what little he knew of Marginalia.
“I hear it’s a very strict place, and it’s located in the middle of nowhere,” said the Munchkin. “I don’t know anyone who’s ever been there.”
After crossing another branch of the Munchkin River beyond Dorothy’s old farmhouse, the party turned south. This part of the country was not maintained all that well, not being particularly good land for farming. It was mostly overgrown with tall grass, and at one point crabgrass with claws attempted to pinch the travelers. Some growling from Huggerumbo was enough to put a stop to that, as well as to the moving skunk cabbages that came out at night. The only house they saw along the way belonged to a man who farmed knives of all shapes and sizes. He told them that Marginalia was just to the south. Eventually, the group came across a road leading right up to a large town surrounded by a metal wall. At the gate, a man in a booth asked, “What is your business in Marginalia?”
“We’re searching for a friend of ours, Jack Frost,” stated Wisk.
“Do you have identification?” asked the man.
Dorothy pulled a letter of introduction from her pocket and showed it to the gatekeeper. Upon glancing at it, he said, “This hasn’t even been properly notarized, nor does it have any photographic representation of you.”
“Photographs? A lot of Oz doesn’t even have cameras,” stated Dorothy.
“Well, if they’re not going to become properly civilized, that’s no skin off our backs. So you say you’re Dorothy?”
“Yes, I’m a Princess of Oz, and that letter has Ozma’s royal seal.”
“Oh, like such things can’t be forged.”
“Look, just let us in or I’ll bite you,” said Toto.
“Oh, my word! That dog isn’t on a leash!”
“A leash? This is the Land of Oz! I have my rights!”
“Maybe so, but dogs are noisy and messy, so there’s no admittance for them without leashes. And your companion there is out in bear skin!”
“Since when is that illegal?” questioned Huggerumbo.
“It’s illegal here because it’s indecent. I have heard it suggested that this was a misspelling in the law books, but it can’t be changed now.”
“Can’t you just let us in?” asked Dorothy.
“No, I’m afraid not.”
“Look, I don’t like doing this, but I’m a Princess of Oz, and I demand you let us in immediately!” shouted the girl, who stamped her foot in anger.
“Foot-stamping is illegal in this town. I’m afraid I’ll have to have you arrested.”
“Arrested? But we’re diplomatic envoys from Santa Claus!” griped Huggerumbo.
“Yes, and I’m the Easter Bunny’s secretary.” While saying this, the gatekeeper pressed a button and a tall woman with blue hair and a dark blue uniform emerged from a nearby guardhouse. “Officer Bleu, arrest them.”
“Wait, what did I do?” asked Wisk.
“You and the gasbag are accomplices,” said the officer sternly. “Now follow me.”
Not wanting to cause any trouble, the party followed Officer Bleu through the streets of the town. It was a pretty sort of place, with neatly arranged houses and metal sculptures set on nicely trimmed lawns. The people, however, looked rather terrified, and rushed through the streets quietly with their heads down like they preferred not to be seen. Finally, the group reached the jail, which the officer forced the visitors to enter, locking the door behind them.
“Your trial should take place in six to eight weeks,” said Officer Bleu. “Until then, please refrain from any more illegal activity, or it will only increase your sentence.” Noticing the bear scratching his nose, she added, “What did I just tell you?”
“Look, with laws like yours, there’s no way anyone can obey all of them,” objected Dorothy.
“Tell it to the judge. Or don’t, as arguing with the judge is also against the law.”
With that, the officer left the jail. Toto soon noticed a man sitting hunched down in the corner of the cell, and approached him. Wisk followed him, saying, “Why, it’s Jack Frost himself!”
“Wisk!” exclaimed the man, as he looked up. “Did you come to get me out of here?”
“Yes, but it looks like we’ve been captured ourselves. No problem, though. I still have my magic.”
“No, I don’t think you do. These cells have been magic-proofed. Otherwise, don’t you think I would have escaped by now?”
“Isn’t magic-proofing illegal without a permit?” asked Dorothy.
“I tried telling them that, and they wouldn’t have it. The police said that the authorities were allowed to ignore the rules when it came to making sure everyone else follows them.”
“That doesn’t sound right. Everyone has to be bound by some laws. Even Ozma can’t do anything she wants, and she’s an absolute monarch.”
Wisk tested his magic to make sure it did not work, and it proved to be ineffective. The Bell-Snickle, however, did state that he could probably squeeze out through the bars. Upon hearing this, Wisk gave him a switch, telling him to use it when he reached a place where magic worked.
“You mean you want to call HIM?” questioned Huggerumbo. “I thought that was a last resort.”
“What other choice do we have?” asked the fairy.
“I suppose you’re right, but he really scares me.”
Without bothering to ask what the bear and the fairy were talking about, the Bell-Snickle flattened himself as much as possible and walked out between the bars of the cell. Leaving the building, he promptly struck the switch on the ground. In a puff of choking black smoke, a tall, hairy man with pointed ears, horns and a beard like a goat, and a long tail appeared in front of the rubber creature. In a rough and booming voice, he said, “Who dares to summon the mighty Krampus?”
“Um…me, Mr. Krampus,” said the Snickle. “Wisk told me to call you to help us get out of jail.”
“Wisk? Oh, right, one of the master’s intolerable assistants. Why can’t he get out himself?”
“The cells have been magic-proofed.”
“Oh, I should have figured it was something like that. Fortunately, I have training in law as well. Take me to the local authorities.”
The Bell-Snickle was not sure where the authorities were headquartered, but a quick look at a sign told them the way to the Mayor’s Mansion. This was a very large building, blue and dome-shaped like most Munchkin dwellings, with an imposing look to it. With Krampus on the streets, the people were even more terrified than they were before. The Snickle knocked on the door, and a butler answered it.
“We’ve come to see the Mayor,” said Krampus.
“I’m sorry, but his honor is busy just now,” said the butler.
“Oh, he’ll see me.” With that, the monster held a whip toward the servant, who rushed off to get the mayor. This turned out to be a small man in blue silk pajamas, who said, “What’s so important that you had to draw me away from my nap?”
“I am the Krampus, a being of unspeakable horror.”
“And I’m the Bell-Snickle, Royal Rubber Stopper to the Queen of Oz,” added the rubber creature, who did not want to be left out.
“We demand the release of several prisoners who are now in your jail.”
“Oh, we never release prisoners until after their trials, and usually not even then. The police aren’t likely to make mistakes.”
“Everyone makes mistakes, and some mistakes can be deadly. If you fail to release them, you may start an international incident. One of them, Jack Frost, is the son of the powerful Frost King, who can bury your town in ice and snow.”
“Ice and snow? Ha! Let him try! My town is weather-proofed.”
“Another is a Princess of Oz. Would you want to incur the wrath of Queen Ozma?”
“We’re a law-abiding town. Ozma can’t do anything to us! High Queen or not, she has to learn that her friends can’t just ignore the rules when they feel like it.”
“Well, what about MY master, Santa Claus? He has magic powers beyond your puny comprehension.”
“Oh, magic is no threat if you have the right equipment. Besides, do you really think I’m afraid of an old man on a sled? What’s he going to do, cut off our allowance of Christmas presents? My officers will shoot his reindeer right out of the sky!”
“What?” exclaimed another voice, and a girl who was a head taller than the man rushed to the doorway. “Daddy, I’m behind your desire for law and order, but are you really thinking of declaring war against Santa Claus?”
“Why not? Those immortal nuisances have to learn that they’re not above the law.”
“But aren’t YOU going above the law by challenging sovereigns of other nations? If you go to war with Santa, the children of this town are going to revolt. Need a remind you that the equipment you use to monitor this town and keep up the protection against magic and weather are from a kit I received for Christmas?”
“Look, Amarra, I won’t do it. I stand firm on my principles.”
“Then I’ll release them,” said the girl. With a remote control device in her hand, she ran out into the town, ignoring her father’s threats to send her to bed without dinner. When she reached the jail, with Krampus and the Snickle behind her, she pressed a button that opened the cell door. The prisoners walked out and greeted their liberators, although Huggerumbo, Wisk, and Jack made sure to keep their distance from the demon. When the citizens heard that their mayor was planning on defying both Ozma and Santa Claus, they promptly demanded he step down, appointing his daughter Amarra to the position. They wanted to run him out of town on a rail as well, but Amarra granted her father a pardon, saying that he was trying to do what was best for his citizens. The new mayor agreed to journey to the Emerald City for a meeting with Ozma to try to determine how best to alter the town’s draconic laws. Krampus disappeared in some more thick smoke, after extracting a promise from everyone to behave or he would return.
“Who was he, anyway?” questioned Dorothy.
“Oh, he was a demon who used to punish everyone he thought was naughty,” explained Wisk. “Claus eventually tamed him, as much as you can tame someone like that, and gave him a job. Contrary to what a lot of people think, it isn’t in Claus’s interest to judge and punish, so instead he let Krampus serve as his lawyer. A necessary evil, I suppose you could say.”
“He still gives me the creeps, though,” stated Huggerumbo.
“Sure, but it’s not like polar bears don’t also have a bad reputation in much of the world.”
Jack soon used his own magic to return himself to his home in the frozen north, taking the bear and the fairy with him. Dorothy, Toto, the Bell-Snickle, and Amarra made a leisurely trip to the Emerald City, stopping at many places along the way. At her old farmhouse, many tourists wanted to meet her and her dog. When Christmas came and Santa made his typical visit to Ozma’s palace for the day, he brought along Wisk and Huggerumbo, as well as some of his other helpers. Even Krampus made a brief appearance, and Button-Bright swears that he caught the demon playing games with some of the younger children. The newspapers refused to print this, however, as they were afraid it would damage his reputation as a creature of sheer terror.
THE END
HAPPY HOZLIDAYS!
